I received a comment quite recently, which I will not quote verbatim. But what was essentially said was that this person is in her late 20s and “terrified about fine lines” and how she’d age.
The comment was asking if the product I had reviewed would help reduce or erase these fine lines. I did say in my reply that we shouldn’t be terrified about aging, because it’s a natural process. But I couldn’t help thinking about the statement about how she was terrified about having fine lines.
This issue about aging and the attendant fear of growing old, was further highlighted by a recent inquiry in person by someone who asked if I could recommend a product or brand to help with “anti-aging” because of lines etc.
I must confess when faced with situations like this, I am at a a loss for words. You see, there is nothing as certain in life than death and taxes – morbid yes. But true.
And the fact is this – we all age and will age, whether we like it or not. But do we have to play into the grabby hands of the beauty industry and believe that it’s a bad thing?
Aging is natural – The media and society tells us it’s not
Here’s my view on this.
It is natural to age. It is natural for your skin to lose its elasticity and collagen and to collapse in on itself or sag. It is natural that our skin will develop lines and wrinkles and become drier as our skin thins and loses moisture more easily.
What is not natural is how the media portrays aging women (in particular) as something to be afraid of, concerned about, or to be shameful about. Men don’t get this treatment, if you notice.
When a man’s hair goes grey, he’s “distinguished”. When a woman’s hair goes grey, she runs to cover it up or be accused of “letting herself go”.
When a man develops lines and wrinkles and a thickset waist, he is smiled upon indulgently like a child, and deemed to be “the hot older man”. When a woman develops the same, she’s accused of “not looking after herself”.
The disparity in the way that the media and the society around us treats older women is what, I feel, creates this irrational fear of growing old. Women aren’t allowed to grow old. We must look young and perky forever or become invisible.
How many women out there say they want to look “forever 21” or crave skincare products, injectibles or surgical procedures to “maintain their youth”? Visit any aesthetic clinic or plastic surgeon, and you’d notice that the majority of the patients or customers are women, searching for this fountain of youth.
Older women are deemed to be unattractive
The sad truth is that older women are deemed to be unattractive. It could be a natural process to age, but no one wants to actually see it happening.
The media does not portray older women in a positive light. What we do see are before/after photos from clinics and doctors, showing us how effective their expensive procedures are, to turn back the ravages of time.
Why? Because lines are perceived to be unattractive. Sagging skin is perceived to be unattractive. Looking your age is perceived to be unattractive.
We aren’t even encouraged to say how old we are. Apparently, it’s disrespectful to ask a lady her age. Is it because we might inadvertently disclose how old and over-the-hill we are? Men don’t have this restriction placed on them. In fact, the older they are, the more respect is accorded to them.
I felt this constraint once. It was awkward to share how old I was, because beauty blogging was the domain of young 20-somethings and there was a perception (even today) that beauty bloggers must be young and beautiful. I started blogging in my 30’s and I’m now well into my 40’s. I no longer feel embarrassed to say so.
Is it because I now don’t give a damn? Or if I care less about what people think? I don’t know, but I just think society must change their perception towards older women, who still have much to contribute, lines, saggy skin and all.
However, the beauty industry is an ugly one that preys on the insecurities of women, like a botoxed vampire. They compound this with the subliminal message that there are ways to stop or slow down the aging process.
Why is this so? Because we are told that women aren’t attractive when they get older.
I talked about this once, when I pondered on the subject of whether the concept of “good skin” is really “young looking skin”.
RELATED READING: Is the idea of good skin really young looking skin? READ HERE
It might be because of this notion that I’m rebelling in my own way LOL! I have said that I will not dye my grey hair. They are coming through, just slowly, due to genetics.
I do this not because of vanity or a desire to push against the system, but because I don’t see why I should be spending more money than necessary, covering up grey hair that will eventually take over my head, whether I like it or not 😛
I’m not afraid of my open pores, old acne scars, lines, pigmentation etc. It’s there, I’ll live with it. I don’t even want to undergo laser treatments, because well, it’s expensive! LOL! 😀 I have better things to spend my money on.
RELATED READING: Nope, I’m not going to get laser treatments for my pigmentation even though it’s very obvious READ WHY
Lines and wrinkles aren’t all bad
But here’s the deal. Let’s look at the lines and wrinkles on our skin in a positive light.
Often, lines are formed not only due to the loss of elasticity and collagen, but also in how we move our faces. The naso-labial line (or laugh line) that runs from your nose, along your mouth, is always one that people fret over. As well as lines around the eyes (crow’s feet) or forehead.
You know the best way to avoid getting these lines? It’s simple.
Stop smiling.
Why do you think many models don’t smile? Smiling moves the muscles and the skin, which then results in these folds that settle into lines.
Are they a bad thing? If you’re vain, yes. But in the main, try the answer “No” for a bit. Think of these lines as experience lines. If you had no cause to smile or laugh, you won’t get these lines. If you have not lived (whether through happy or sad times), you’d have no lines.
Aging is a privilege
The other thing we should really consider also is this – aging and growing older is a privilege.
Mortality rates are lower now, and people are living longer thanks to modern medicine and a modern, cleaner lifestyle. I think we should consider it a privilege that we are able to grow older and live longer. We are seeing the effects today on our skin, because we have this privilege of aging.
A few centuries ago, you’d probably die in your bloom of youth. No lines and wrinkles there, but dead.
OK so aging isn’t bad. But can I slow it down?
I hate to look at it from the viewpoint of “slowing down the aging process”. Instead, I prefer to look at it from the viewpoint of “strengthening your skin”.
As we age, our skin moisture barrier gets thinner, resulting in water loss (dry skin) and the consequent and resultant formation of fine lines. This can also result in skin that becomes more sensitive, and prone to inflammation.
When we strengthen this barrier, skin naturally becomes more healthy, looks more healthy and therefore younger.
In many ways, I feel that my experiments in the past decade has helped my skin to be stronger than it was before, when I was younger, and it might even look better than it used to. For this reason, in the past 4-5 years, my focus has been quite narrow, concentrating only on certain ingredients or products, regardless of brand, hype and trends.
Sunscreen
Sunscreen serves a health function in that it protects skin from harmful UV rays, and helps prevent us from contracting skin cancer due to UV exposure.
The benefit on the side is that it slows down the breakdown of collagen and the development of irregular melanin production, caused by UV rays. It therefore slows down the appearance of aging skin, and it also helps strengthen the skin barrier and prevent it from breaking down as quickly.
However, it’s a benefit that comes with protecting the skin first. This is why I am so hellbent on making people wear sunscreen. Do yourself a favour, and wear it, because it is for your skin health, not just vanity.
Vitamin C
I use Vitamin C serums because I have found that they strengthen my skin so my skin feels more resilient. This means that it is more resistant to breakouts and to environmental pollution. My key concern is skin health because who doesn’t want healthy skin right?
The benefit is that Vitamin C is an ingredient that is known to help rebuild collagen, which means skin that is more plumped, and fine lines look less noticeable. It also helps skin look brighter, slows down melanin production and makes skin look more even-toned. These are vanity benefits that come from first considering the health of your skin.
Hydration
As your skin ages, it will get thinner and water loss is more evident. This is why our skin will usually feel drier. My concern here is primarily the protection and strengthening of my skin moisture barrier.
Using products that hydrate the skin well, in conjunction with other products that help seal in this hydration and strengthen the skin barrier helps skin feel less uncomfortable, and less prone to irritation.
The other benefit of course is that if you focus on products that contain hyaluronic acid, it will help draw moisture to your skin, and retain it. Skin looks more plumped as a result, and skin that is more plumped, looks healthier and younger. Not rocket science there 🙂
RELATED READING: Try the moisture sandwich technique to help skin retain more hydration READ HERE
Retinol and AHA acids
To be honest, I’m a little hesitant to recommend this outright to anyone, for the simple reason, I am not a dermatologist. While both these ingredients are well known to boost skin cell turnover, boost collagen production and thereby making skin look more plumped with less noticeable lines, they can be quite harsh.
I often have people urge me to try prescription retinol that we can easily get from the pharmacy, because it is very affordable. However, my concern is that a prescription product should be used properly only under doctor’s supervision. I’m not big therefore on using a prescription cream on my skin without a doctor telling me to.
This is by no means a slur on anyone who does. You probably know your skin better than I do which is fine. I just won’t do it.
Also my fear with recommending products with retinol and AHA is the potential overuse or abuse, that can lead to hypersensitive skin, or even damaging the skin barrier. My advice therefore when working with retinol and AHA acids is this – use in moderation, know your skin, and don’t go crazy 😛 When in doubt, stop, and return to the first 3 ingredients/suggestions above.
Embrace the aging process
Ultimately, we can never turn back time. We can never be that perky 20 year old again. Our skin will never bounce back the way a baby’s does.
As long as we fear seeing the lines appear, we will never be happy. We’d be spending our time, money and effort chasing the unicorn, searching for the elusive fountain of youth.
Live life for a change. Work towards having healthy skin, lifestyle and mindset. Youth is fleeting. Life needn’t be 🙂
What’s your approach to aging? Do you fear it? Are you afraid to look older?
I won’t judge if you do. It’s common, because that’s what we are shown is the norm. But it does not have to be, and sometimes, a little mindset change might be what we need 🙂
Paris B
Getting old is not so bad if you consider the alternative. 😉
Really, as a neurologist I see so much suffering, and I think it’s wonderful to be healthy and without pain for most of the time.
People look at their pictures and see lines under the eyes when they are laughing. Why, of course. Skin has to go somewhere.
It’s about graceful aging. Of course I’m happy that my skin looks better than ten years ago, but I don’t let it define me.
Have a wonderful day! 🙂
Thank you for weighing in from the viewpoint of a Doctor who has seen far more than most of have! I believe in taking care of our skin, keeping it at its best condition as possible. But we shouldn’t let it define us in any way. Society has a lot to answer for with pressures like this LOL
Strangely, it’s women I know in their 20s and early 30s who seem to be heading to the aesthetic clinics/salons the most for anti-aging treatments. I know of a friend’s daughter in her early 20s who has had fillers and God-knows what else injected into her face. She’s pretty to begin with, but after all that, she looks a bit, well, plastic. I’m turning 40 this year, and in an industry where I’m surrounded by colleagues born when when I was in university, I do get conscious of the fact that I am 20 years older than them. Strangely, these girls look a lot older than they are which is probably why they are so worried about aging. But vanity and wanting quick fixes is what drives the beauty industry. So many aesthetic clinics and salons on social media these days, mostly with young clients giving testimonials.
That being said, aging is inevitable, but we’re only as old as we feel, I guess. ?
Also, as old as we want to feel 🙂 But you are also right about those in their 20-30s who feel the most pressure to ‘maintain’ their looks. I think society today is far more harsh and critical of aging. It might be thanks to social media that puts that sort of pressure on women. Everyone wants to look good in a photo and to look “young”. I think in your line of work, this is an even bigger hazard and they must face even more pressure. I must say that it disappoints me when I see aesthetics clinics using young girls as testimonials, or to push their services. These young women have an impressionable following, and it really isn’t healthy to have that much focus on how they look.
This is probably one of the few areas where our opinions differ, but I think that’s okay. We are all different. 🙂
I started aesthetics procedure when I was in my late twenties or early 30s, and they mainly involve minimally-invasive procedures such as botox, lasers and medium peels. The aim was to enhance skin radiance, firmness and delay the signs of aging.
The motivation of going through aesthetics procedure is similar to me being obsessed with beauty, skincare and makeup. And I often give them priority in how I spend my money.
I agree that the societal norm has made aging a more difficult issue than it is for men since time immemorial. That’s why they said women’s money are the easiest to make.
Societal norm are difficult to change. So you should be proud of yourself that you are able to stand out from the majority. I know I belong to the majority and would likely stay that way, because my white hair regrowth is bothering me right now. 🙂
Not a problem sharing an alternate viewpoint Nicole 🙂 Ultimately we do what we want/can for ourselves, as long as we are happy about it, and it doesn’t mess up our lives or health 🙂 Perhaps for me, I feel that in a world where money is in limited supply, I have to divert my resources to what interests me most or keeps me most happy. If money were no object, I might have a different view LOL! 😀
I am in my early 40s and I would like to think I have a healthy mindset towards aging but when I was in my 20s and early 30s, I bought products that claimed to have anti aging benefits etc. Its a process in life that women will go through. There is a saying, when the student is ready the teacher will appear. It will be difficult to convince someone in their 20s to embrace aging and going into the prime age because they are not ready to hear it yet. Of course the beauty industry has been preying on our fears since dawn of time. Its how they make money. Its how all industries make money. Preying on fears and pain points. Don’t miss out or on the FOMO. Aging is a privillege for sure and you can’t stop aging but how well you age is 50% in your control, barring genetics which accounts for something and other areas such as diet, exercise, skincare, etc.
I don’t follow the beauty industry that much so I have no idea whether there are beauty companies that truly celebrate the older women because it is such a huge market.
Thank you for highlighting this and maybe the 2o something who asked the question in 20 years time will realize the beautiful message in this blog post.
Kendra, we have all been there and done there, falling for the magic potion in a bottle. Don’t need to beat yourself up about it! 😀 Being able to see through the hocus-pocus is a sign of maturity, I feel. After that, it becomes a conscious choice because we can’t possible be fooled forever right? haha 😀 And to answer your question, no brand/company celebrates the older woman. They just push an expensive, thicker cream at them, or tell them all their lines will be ironed out, and promise them the sun moon and stars. It takes a firm resolve to say No thanks, and just look for what really works for us to the best of our ability.
I agree with the men bit – men don’t get the weird stares when they have lines and wrinkles; men don’t get looked down when they dress in shorts and slippers, with lines on the faces. Wrinkles/grey hair add characters to men – what about women?
It’s hard for women to not feel insecure with all the social media/ads picturing young and beautiful women. The perfect hair, perfect face and body. And I am not one of them. Unless one totally cuts off from the media, else the constant reminder will always be there. Or when you have finally made peace with ageing …
The world is too misogynistic 🙁 Men can do no wrong, even if they do everything wrong 😛 Maybe that’s just me being jaded LOL! But yes, I think it takes a strong resolve, and a lot of strength to resist all the social media pressures, especially when you don’t conform to the ‘norm’
I’m on the cusp of turning 30 and I’m really not sure how to feel about it. As women, I think we place our value in our looks rather than our skills and it’s something I don’t necessarily agree with.
At the same time, at a base level, I also just want to feel pretty and I’m afraid of not feeling that way any more. Maybe within a decade or so, I’ll make peace with it.
Aww Sharon, you don’t have to equate being pretty with being young 🙂 That’s what this whole thing is about really. We are conditioned by society to believe that to be pretty, you must look young. But youth is a state of being, and beauty is really in the eyes of the beholder 🙂 So, don’t fret. If you feel pretty, stay happy and healthy, you will be, at any age! 🙂
As I age my goals have changed. Aging is inevitable. My goal is to have nice, well cared for skin. I would like to continue to look as good as I can. I, personally, am not interested in injectables or plastic surgery. The focus on”never ending” youth is, in my opinion, ridiculous.
I’d prefer to think of having a face that reflects living a life well-lived, as opposed to one that reflects a life well-preserved LOL!
PB, thank you for this post. I’m in my early 30s and still fighting adult acne so thoughts of anti-aging pretty much never cross my mind. I think the only anti-aging I use are eye creams, but I Love to laugh so I don’t think they will do much, anyway. Sometimes I think, “am I too late?” but I know I should listen to what my skin needs now and not overwhelm them with.. stuffs. But I guess I have to start upping my hydration game now 😉
PS: How do you like the Allie milk?
I love the Allie Milk! My review can be found here.
And I’m sorry to hear you’re fighting adult acne but I’m sure you’re treating it the best that you can. I had my battle with acne in my late teens and through my 20’s. It all settled down once I hit my 30’s and found my stride in using skincare. On the downside, I have my old acne scars to show for it. On the upside, I don’t have to battle it anymore. Hang in there!
I believe in delaying aging and how a person age is also genetic. Nothing can be done to reverse that process, unless we are all Benjamin Button from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Starting a good skincare routine is important and never ever forget or skip that sunblock. I respect people who rely on aesthetic beauty to keep themselves looking fresh and young. Many forget that we are judged not only by the face, but neck, hands and legs too, they tend to over do on the face and forget the rest. One can never run away from wrinkly hands and arms, that’s an age give away.
Embracing our own age and age gracefully for we are not immortals. I’m happy with how I look as long as I continue proper grooming, be presentable and be happy within.
You are spot on about it being genetic, Nvie. Our racial makeup also has a part to play, as well as our environment. I am quite scrupulous about making sure my neck and decolletage area gets all the benefits of the products that my face does, but I am quite guilty of not caring as much for my hands as I should 😛 The only concession to caring for my hands, is a nightly hand cream. While I think I’m quite lucky, I better up my game LOL! 😀
I’m newly 35 years old, and it was recommended to me that anti-aging products must be started around 30. Though I’m fortunate enough to take after my mom and look about 10 years younger while also not having more than one cystic acne a month, I’m a fairly obliging type and decided to pick up The Ordinary 2% retinoid, which I started using it around December.
Whiteheads. Whiteheads everywhere. Whiteheads for months. Oh, and acne scarring on my right cheek.
After immediately stopping and working on my moisture barrier before finding out that acne flares (usually called ‘purging’) are fairly normal with retinol/retinoid use and going back and using it again, I’m finally on the other side of the tunnel and my face is almost normal again. I didn’t have fine lines or even smile lines to begin with, but I suppose the multitude of whiteheads really did make me look like a teenager again!
You might want to review your makeup products since you’re on the right track with the skincare.
Oh, I don’t wear makeup at all due to allergies to most Western brands, and my skin tone is dark enough that Asian brands don’t really do much for me. So it’s skincare or nothing!
Gosh I’m so sorry to hear about your negative experience with The Ordinary’s Retinoid. If it makes you feel better, I too broke out from using it, and I hardly ever break out anymore! So I quickly ditched it. I am using the Paula’s Choice Retinol now, which did not break me out at all, so I’m not a big believer in purging, but we all work with our experiences and beliefs 🙂 And you know what? These days, they aren’t even telling the 30-somethings to start using anti-aging products anymore. Now, it starts from 20. 20!
I honestly couldn’t say why I’ve kept with the TO retinoid, but it’s probably for the best that I did now that I’ve turned a corner, so to speak. I’d never dealt with breaking out before, so I’ve had to learn a lot. Once I’m done with it I’m not sure I’ll bother with retinol/retinoids. I’ve read about anti-aging products for those in their 20s and I can’t wrap my mind around it. I think I’d rather feel young than look young, and stressing constantly about aging can’t be helping one feel young…or even feel very good about themselves and living.
You are absolutely right about getting stressed out 🙂 Looks aren’t all that matter at the end of the day. It is about who you are as a person that truly matters!
Loved reading this feature!
Thank you Marina! 🙂
I really appreciate you saying all this — this is also my personal outlook (as a late 30-something about to turn 40)! I also want to say that I appreciate your blog more and more, because YES! make-up blogging is a very “young people” sphere (the people who need it the least, IMO) but there is a need for those of us who are growing older.
I have sun freckles from when I was more careless about sunscreen when I was in my 20s, and wrinkles are starting around my mouth and my eye bags are no joke…but I feel like I’ve earned all these by living my life, having kids, etc and are nothing to be ashamed of!
Hi Christine, thank you for your kind words 🙂 It is a bit of a struggle trying to stay afloat and relevant in this blogging world that celebrates youth. But someone has to try right? 🙂 We do what we can to keep our skin healthy and supple. But ultimately, we must live life as it should be lived – not in fear of looking/growing old 🙂
When I heard François Nars say very matter-of-factly: “50% of make-up is good skin”, I turned more to skincare and became very selective about curating a make-up collection that suited only me.
When I asked my Dermatologist 2 decades ago what makes good skin she said “hydrate- you can use anything you like for the feel-good factor but honestly any moisturiser will do the same thing”.
I was very stunned to hear these two professionals advice but I trusted them and always stuck to it. Today, I’m 53, no need for injections and I wear only light make-up and feel good about myself.
Although I like practical sporadic mini-interventions at the Derm’s office (like zapping a little red vein on my nose), I don’t put them high on the totem pole for self-preservation.
A shiatsu session, getting a nice modern hair cut, a favorite perfume, cooking new healthy food recipes, being in love with life, discovering new places, my children’s kisses on my cheek…. do more for your skin and it’s glow than any marketing dream in a bottle ever can.
Thank you so much for sharing Kristine! 🙂 Your dermatologist is also a wise one! Hydration is so important and often overlooked, yet is the easiest thing to address for our skin to look better almost instantly! 🙂 But ultimately, it is how comfortable we feel in our skin. If someone feels that having treatments done makes them feel better, I guess then that’s their measure. Ultimately, we all have different expectations and life experiences and perceptions. but living life is most important!
Wow, I’m so happy after reading this. I was doing a bit of research (morning double cleanse?) and came across this post. I wish there were more people like you speaking up about this, because so many young people are clinging onto their youth as if aging is the end of the world. It bothers me that “youth”, while it is so valued, is being idolized.
I’m turning 25 this year. I started to get concerned because I’m not using actives/vitamins etc, because though I’m committed to skincare I’m not obsessed with it (I’m less than 10 steps). But I feel better now after reading 🙂 When I think of all the women in my life that are older than me, they care enough but don’t obsess over aging. I want to be like them and you, just enjoying the present. Thank you, can’t wait to read more!
Hi Jess, thank you for your kind words 🙂 I think today, primarily because we are all so visible on social media, there is added pressure to look young, because youth is equated with beauty. Being thin also, which is a whole different story altogether! As for yourself, you’re still so young! If you don’t have issues with your skin, I’d just say that keeping to a good hydration regimen is key. Keep your skin healthy. In a couple of years, you can start thinking about using more potent active ingredients just to keep everything ticking along nicely. What’s most important is to stay healthy and happy and to enjoy life the best you can. It will show 🙂
Sunblock is crucial to prevent skin from damaging UV. I find my skin always get dehydrated after wearing sunscreen, after trying many brand either mineral or chemical sunscreen. Mineral sunscreen is too dry for me while some chemical sunscreen milk contain silicone that can make my skin tight. Since you have dry n dehydrated skin, what brand are you using so i can give it a try?
I’m presently using Kanebo Allie sunscreen. The one I use, some people find drying. However, they have a gel version as well that is more hydrating. You can also consider Shiseido Anessa sunscreen. These would be my personal to-go sunscreen options but I don’t know if they will suit your skin, so good luck!