Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a girl who, through neglect and the evil spell of “laziness”, found herself slowly morphing into a lizard.

It started at the furthest of her extremities, with the skin on her toes first drying out and flaking. But did she pay attention? Oh no! (If she had right then, there wouldn’t be a story to tell would there?)

The evil spell and gentle morph from human to scaly reptile slowly crept up the feet and legs, turning once smooth, soft skin into dry, hard, scales. Skin was stretched and shiny and lined through neglect. Things came to a head one day, when lizard-gal discovered a very dry and itchy patch of skin on her shin.

Thinking it was mere skin irritation or a bug bite, she gave it no mind, but scratch she did. Until one day, she looked down (finally!) and noticed the scales and the red, angry, bumpy, itchy, irritated patch of skin on her legs.

Panicking, she turned to Dr. Google, which told her it could be anything from psoriasis to cancer (Isn’t Dr. Google a consolation?) But more digging prompted a different diagnosis. It might just be skin that was too dry, which had cracked and allowed itself to be infected.

So Lizard-gal started oiling herself up like a salad daily, yet it didn’t stop the slow encroachment of scaly skin. Until one evening, her eye fell on an old gift which had been sitting on her bedside table for the longest time.

Now, the problem with Lizard-gal is that she hated using body lotions and body creams. Living in the tropics as she did, body creams and lotions tended to be sticky and to leave a greasy, oily film on the skin that could be very uncomfortable, especially on warm nights.

It didn’t help that the salve was called the L’Occitane Ultra Rich Body Cream Rich in Shea Butter, which conjured up images of butter on toast, and a sticky date pudding.

But desperate times called for desperate measures, if Lizard-gal was to stop the onslaught of the scales.

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