We dwell a lot on physical beauty – the media conditions us that way and really, blogs don’t help do they? 😉 But there is a bit more to beauty than just the physical exterior. Granted, appearances and first impressions are important. I will concede that and I do believe in putting your best face forward. However, if you want to maintain any sort of friendship or relationship, it comes down to your inner beauty.
I’ve been reminded of this over this week by a few unpleasant incidents, so I’d like to share 5 concepts of inner beauty I think makes someone beautiful, physical attributes and cosmetics aside. Also the concepts I try to live by.
Manners
I find a person with good manners beautiful. Sadly, manners seem to be a thing of the past and I’m not sure why it is so. Please, Thank you, Excuse Me and Sorry seem to be alien concepts and people seem to delight in being “blunt” when really, they are just being rude. There are nice ways to say things without being hurtful; well unless you are a sadist and enjoy reveling in another’s misery in which case, Purgatory is a good place for you. I don’t think these are old fashioned concepts at all. Good manners never go out of fashion.
Positivity
Cynicism is viewing something with a critical eye. Negativity is seeing only the dark side of things uncritically. They aren’t one and the same. I may be cynical but I try also to be positive about things. Why dwell only on what’s bad or what you don’t have. Instead, you could just as easily strive towards attaining what you don’t have, which is a more positive outlook on life. The easy way is to sit around, moan to anyone who’d listen, do nothing about it and make everyone around you miserable even as you make yourself miserable. Its easy to point out another’s faults. Its harder to temper that with kindness and positivity and to help another improve. It is the latter that is beautiful for nothing beautiful was ever achieved without a bit of work.
Etiquette or Netiquette
More than knowing which fork or spoon to use at the dining table, etiquette, courtesy and politeness reflect your social skills. There are some things you do or say that are socially acceptable and some things you keep to yourself. The same is true on the internet where Netiquette is to be borne in mind. We don’t type in all caps because that is “shouting” and we don’t go round leaving multiple links to our websites everywhere because that’s “spamming”. Similarly, we should be courteous when pointing out errors or give criticism in a constructive and not destructive manner.
A comment like “That’s a nice eyeshadow colour on you. Perhaps you could blend the edges a little more next time so it doesn’t look so harsh” is much more constructive and courteous than one saying “OMFG! You call that eyeshadow? HAHAHA Did you just get punched in your eye?! What a disgrace you are!”
Unfortunately, the latter is much more prevalent perhaps because of the anonymity offered by the internet. It does reflect poorly on the person and if I come across that sort of comment, it goes into the bin because it isn’t constructive but destructive. I prefer to adopt a policy of if you won’t say it aloud to the person in question, then you shouldn’t type it in a comment or forum either.
Kindness
Its easy to be nasty and cruel. We all have it in us to be so. I think somehow humans were coded that way. Realizing that and taking a positive step to be kind to others is not always easy. I have, more than once, hurt someone with what I have said or done. I’m not saying I’m the kindest person in the world either but with age and experience comes a bit of wisdom and yes, I may have made some mistakes in the past, but I try to learn from that. It is easier to destroy than build confidence and self-esteem in others. Again, sadists delight in the former and really, I have no time to deal with sadists 😛 In terms of the internet, if you come across something you dislike, close the page and go away or leave a constructive comment on what may be improved. Its easier to be cruel than to be kind but it is much more beautiful to be the latter.
Happiness
I don’t think you’d ever find an ugly happy person. Happy people exude a kind of beauty that not even my beloved Meteorites pearls can achieve, and happiness is infectious. Unless they are hyper beings, which may irritate (yes I’m not quite an angel 😛 ) its hard not to be infected by happy people; so try to surround yourself with them and not with people who persist in dragging you down with their dark negative thoughts. That is infectious too! A smile goes a long way and no one was ever made poorer for offering a friendly smile.
I will stress again that I’m no angel but I am trying to adopt a more positive attitude towards life, and to do as I say here. Heaven knows, I enjoy a juicy gossip as much as anyone else, and I am fallible as everyone is. For my part, I try to keep that to a minimum and as I have said, focus on the positive aspects of people and life and help others where I can.
I think inner beauty is what true beauty is ultimately about. It endures past the fading of physical beauty. The rest is just gloss… and well, makeup 😉
What do you think defines beauty or inner beauty for you? Do share some thoughts, even as we head into the weekend 🙂
Paris B
Photo #1 Paddy Fields in Kedah; Photo #2 Taiping Lake Gardens
Aww I really enjoyed this post, Paris. If someone tells me something rude that I know isn’t constructive, I just tell myself to let it go because that person must have been unhappy and used me as an outlet. Can’t always hit “delete” in person, but good thing it gets easier to weed out the rotten peaches and stick with those who are like-minded.
I’m glad you enjoyed this Peach! Rotten peaches have no place in the barrel so out with them 🙂 You’re right, we can’t delete people (actually we could but it’d be illegal :P) and I do think you’re much more generous than I am in granting people who are rude some leeway. Sometimes I see it as you do, but if it happens too often, I cut it back. 3 strikes and you’re out! That’s me 😛
Love the photo of the Lake Gardens – it’s so peaceful and tranquil! 🙂
I really agree with your post! On top of what you’ve written, i think that gentleness is something that many women are lacking today. There’s just a quiet beauty of someone who is soft spoken and controlled. Not sure if this entirely has to do with gentleness or is it part etiquette, but I am reminded of the incident when i met a friend’s friend – i remember thinking that she looked absolutely stunning from afar, until she started yelling at my friend from like 50 meters away, in a crowded shopping mall with hokkien expletives :S
Thank you Jenn! 😀 That picture turned out a little more beautiful than I expected when I shot it 😀
I know what you mean by people lacking that genteel elegance. I think sometimes we women try to compensate by being superwomen when we could just as easily step back and let others lead and we be genteel for once 😉 But I had to LOL when I read your anecdote. I see that happen too and its ugly! Oh so ugly!
Hmmmm, I have met soft-spoken girls who curse in a soft manner without shouting and all that exaggerated decorum Ain’t that a paradox (I belong somewhere in the middle in the right company)?
I think a curse or expletive for purposes of emphasis or an outburst is fine. But I am very turned off by potty mouthed people, whether soft spoken or loud. I’ve met people who pepper their words with expletives, one after another. I turn my mind off and then I never stay in touch again 😛
woah! i have to say i love this blog post. So spot on. I think the craziest thing for me is customer service. Those in the customer service line are supposed to be polite, pleasant and helpful, but I’ve encountered numerous customer service personnels who were haughty (with their nose high up in the sky), rude and even ignored you. To me, this boils down to them as a person and I could imagine them in their daily lives being rude and haughty to those around them.
I’m glad you enjoyed this Sue 🙂 I must say that customer service can be a right bane. I do wonder too if some of them are really that nasty in real life because if they are, they won’t be very nice to know at all!
Hi Paris! I really really enjoyed your post 🙂 I believe inner beauty is the foundation of all 🙂
Glad you enjoyed this Rin 🙂 And you’re right. We need a good foundation to anchor beauty on 🙂
very well written and really couldn’t agree more. we used to have a colleague who complained to no end, on EVERY SINGLE LITTLE thing. For eg, during a team lunch, she used to complain like crazy when her meal wasn’t up to her standard, or wasn’t as good as others. and of course, every single thing in life she would complain. we had too much of her and the negative aura in office really affected us a lot. so in the end we had come to a conclusion that we would just turn deaf to whatever she said, and eventually just excluding her out in the outing.
and and also, I observed that the majority think only kids need praises and encouragement, sometimes we adults need a pat on the shoulder too 🙂
Yes we do Xin! *pats shoulder* that was a very insightful and accurate comment. We don’t give adults the encouragement they need, many a time and that should be rectified.
I can not agree more on all aspects you pointed out, Paris! Inner beauty is so much more precious than outer beauty, but who says we can not be beautiful on the outside AND inside, right?
That’s why my favorite quotation has to be ‘Beauty is not in the face. Beauty is a light in the heart’! 🙂
I love your quotation Jess! I noticed it on your blog and I had to say I agree whole heartedly with it – without that light in your heart, the most beautiful face would be nothing 🙂
Hi Paris, while I’ve enjoyed your other cosmetic posts, I enjoy this post even more. It’s food for the mind 🙂 If “everyone” starts living like what you’ve written, then, what a beautiful place it will be! 🙂 Stay beautiful Paris, inside and outside! 😉
Gosh Kim, thank you 🙂 Even if everyone doesn’t live this way, we can try and start the change with ourselves and hope everyone else learns along the way. Or at least surround ourself with people of like minds and weed out the negativity (harder than it looks but it can be done!) 🙂
PB! I love this post!!!
You know what? Same as you, I actually talk to Mr. AMW a lot on how people could be so rude and just impossibly “brainless” when it comes to courtesy! (ahhh, stories to tell when we meet lol!)
I guess, these people have issues of their own and just want to vent out on other people and the best way for them is to stay anonymous and feel much better harassing other people thinking they are superior than the rest of us!
I totally agree, no matter how pretty a face, if you do not have kindness, positivity, manners and a whole lot more (it’s actually SOLD in a basket all together..lol) that makes a person turn into an ugly witch! I’ve met a lot of girls who may not look like models or actresses but after getting to know them, they get to have this “Goddess-like” aura..in a positive way as they exude this positivity and I’d love to be with them more!
*sigh* we can’t change the world..but we really can start by changing ourselves..look into the mirror and see who we are first before we start commenting on other people!
Thank you Nikki 🙂 Glad you have Mr. AMW to pour your thoughts out to because its oppressive to have to keep it bottled inside! I think sometimes that exposure to different areas of work and play often result in exposure to some people who aren’t quite as nice as we think they are to start with. We can’t change the world as you say, but we can change ourselves… provided we admit that we have flaws too 🙂
Nah, nothing to admit! I’m perfect! hahahhahahahhahahaahah
True, we just have to admit to ourselves no one (including ourselves..ok…including me) is perfect!
Before I say anything bad, I try to put myself into that person’s shoes and see how I’ll feel when I hear it! That’s my way of “screening” what I blurt out! 🙂
Hugsyy!!! Can’t WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL!! Yes we’re perfect! *preen* 😀 If we get upset by nasty things said to us, think of what others might feel when you say it to them. Sadly though I don’t think many people think of it 😛 and can’t wait too! 😀
Hi Paris, really great post here…i really enjoy reading ur blog and everytime i open my Firefox, ur blog is one of the first pages dat i open to read! I am dat addicted to your blog~ LOL
I enjoy ur blog as it is all rounded, and i learnt a lot of beauty related things from you, new makeup brands etc…and i love ur honest & detailed reviews & opinions. Creates a lot of lemmings for me too in cosmetics & skincare~ =P
I appreciate your thoughts shared above and i enjoyed pondering over what u’ve said. Keep up the good work gal! Hope to read more of your great posts~ =D
Aww thank you so much Phoenix! This means a lot to me 😀 I hope your lemmings don’t grow out of hand 😉 Thank you so much for your support!
1st photo reminds me of the paddy field along the BKE highway – it was so golden rich during the harvesting season & I stopped just to admire it from a closer view.. 🙂
I wished I was there during the harvesting season! But I got there during planting so its all green. I did actually stop along the side of the road to take the pix – couldn’t help it! 😀
Strength.
A strong woman is very attractive. One who knows what she wants and has the principles to stand up for what she believes in.
That’s true too! A strong character is very attractive provided they don’t ride roughshod over everyone 😛
I agree with your post absolutely. I also find some bloggers rude especially toward harmless comments that disagree to the blogger’s views. I wonder if it’s anything due to culture or upbringing, other than being plain nasty. Some people do lack tack I guess. I find polite women with confidence (without bring overpowering) attractive. She has to know when to stand up for herself and when to just withdraw and keep her class.
Please don’t mind the typo. Who else finds iPhone’s auto spell annoying?
Sorry to hear of your bad experience. I have seen some bloggers react to comments too and I too do not know if its because they are just that way, argumentative or unable to express a disagreement in a reasonable manner. I sometimes prefer to just let things slide and restrict contact with some people if I disagree with what they say because some people do believe strongly in their views and you just can’t change that if they don’t want to see it 😛
nice post! i like the point about manners 🙂
Thanks 🙂
Great post…unfortunately, it reminded me that I need to work on my inner beauty because I am a miserable B I T C H and I tend to wallow in self-pity and find it hard to be optimistic!!! I dwell on negativity too long…sighs!!!
I have manners though or at least, I like to think I do…
I know how you feel Ling and believe me, I’ve been there too. But I have learnt that when you realize it and pull ourself out of that negativity, things change for the better. I do believe that the universe reacts to how we feel so once we have an upswing for a better more positive mood, things work out better. I went through a bit of a dull patch in the past week or so – nothing seemed to go right but when I forced myself to look on the bright side of things, everything started working the way I wanted them to. Cosmic interference – can’t discount that! 😉
On Netiquette, I have a reviewer on my fanfiction that constantly attacks the tiniest of detail that she did not like that was not constructive in any way almost every time I post something. I would appreciate it if she offered any suggestions on how to improve, ala my grammar or vocab, but no, she goes to rant on and on regarding how much she hates the story. >.<
Does anyone know how to deal with these kind of people?
If there’s a delete button, then delete the comment 🙂 If its your page, you have a right to not be upset by people who aren’t constructive but destructive. If its an open forum this with no way of deleting comments, then I say ignore. Once you stop playing with them, they go away.
Amen sister! Can you post a link to this post on the Huaren Forum 😉
Lol!! That forum does need it 😉
What a wonderful post. Love it. This world would be a mush better place if more people thought like you do.
Thank you! We can all help by taking a good long hard look at ourselves 😉 Hope you have a good week!
Lovely! It is so easy to be carried away by the norms of this world, I.e negativity, being rude, unkind, etc…and treat all these as normal. Your post is a great reminder for all of us!
Thank you Shay! You’re right. We’ve all become “immune” to all this and we just shouldn’t 🙂 Hope you’ve had a good week!
This is an excellent article and I need to thank you for sharing.
I think people tend to forget that beauty comes from within. I try not to dwell too much on negativity and always try to see the positive light of things. Pessimistic people are so draining and I have been trying to avoid such people but it’s not easy when you work with or are related to them. And there are those who always compare themselves to others (ie. the grass is always greener) that they don’t even see the good things in their lives. They can’t see that they are the makers of their own misery. Envy and jealousy are very destructive emotions and I try to steer clear away from such behaviour.
I am no saint and I have my moments. But I think about what’s important to me and am grateful for what I have, that the petty things don’t bother me at all. A lot of it came from experience, age (hate to admit it) and maybe just a little wisdom 🙂
Thank you Lyn, I do think age and experience does help us see things a little differently and perhaps put things in perspective 🙂 People who compare get my goat up sometimes. We all have different lives and capabilities and the more we keep looking over the fence is less time spent enjoying what we have now.
What a great post – I’m no angel and am prone to bouts of frustration and anger, but I complain – then move on. Life is so much better when you don’t allow yourself to be weighed down by negative emotions.
Thank you Tina. We’re all human to feel anger and frustration but its a bigger person who can let all that go and move on 🙂