We dwell a lot on physical beauty – the media conditions us that way and really, blogs don’t help do they? 😉 But there is a bit more to beauty than just the physical exterior. Granted, appearances and first impressions are important. I will concede that and I do believe in putting your best face forward. However, if you want to maintain any sort of friendship or relationship, it comes down to your inner beauty.
I’ve been reminded of this over this week by a few unpleasant incidents, so I’d like to share 5 concepts of inner beauty I think makes someone beautiful, physical attributes and cosmetics aside. Also the concepts I try to live by.
Manners
I find a person with good manners beautiful. Sadly, manners seem to be a thing of the past and I’m not sure why it is so. Please, Thank you, Excuse Me and Sorry seem to be alien concepts and people seem to delight in being “blunt” when really, they are just being rude. There are nice ways to say things without being hurtful; well unless you are a sadist and enjoy reveling in another’s misery in which case, Purgatory is a good place for you. I don’t think these are old fashioned concepts at all. Good manners never go out of fashion.
Positivity
Cynicism is viewing something with a critical eye. Negativity is seeing only the dark side of things uncritically. They aren’t one and the same. I may be cynical but I try also to be positive about things. Why dwell only on what’s bad or what you don’t have. Instead, you could just as easily strive towards attaining what you don’t have, which is a more positive outlook on life. The easy way is to sit around, moan to anyone who’d listen, do nothing about it and make everyone around you miserable even as you make yourself miserable. Its easy to point out another’s faults. Its harder to temper that with kindness and positivity and to help another improve. It is the latter that is beautiful for nothing beautiful was ever achieved without a bit of work.
Etiquette or Netiquette
More than knowing which fork or spoon to use at the dining table, etiquette, courtesy and politeness reflect your social skills. There are some things you do or say that are socially acceptable and some things you keep to yourself. The same is true on the internet where Netiquette is to be borne in mind. We don’t type in all caps because that is “shouting” and we don’t go round leaving multiple links to our websites everywhere because that’s “spamming”. Similarly, we should be courteous when pointing out errors or give criticism in a constructive and not destructive manner.
A comment like “That’s a nice eyeshadow colour on you. Perhaps you could blend the edges a little more next time so it doesn’t look so harsh” is much more constructive and courteous than one saying “OMFG! You call that eyeshadow? HAHAHA Did you just get punched in your eye?! What a disgrace you are!”
Unfortunately, the latter is much more prevalent perhaps because of the anonymity offered by the internet. It does reflect poorly on the person and if I come across that sort of comment, it goes into the bin because it isn’t constructive but destructive. I prefer to adopt a policy of if you won’t say it aloud to the person in question, then you shouldn’t type it in a comment or forum either.
Kindness
Its easy to be nasty and cruel. We all have it in us to be so. I think somehow humans were coded that way. Realizing that and taking a positive step to be kind to others is not always easy. I have, more than once, hurt someone with what I have said or done. I’m not saying I’m the kindest person in the world either but with age and experience comes a bit of wisdom and yes, I may have made some mistakes in the past, but I try to learn from that. It is easier to destroy than build confidence and self-esteem in others. Again, sadists delight in the former and really, I have no time to deal with sadists 😛 In terms of the internet, if you come across something you dislike, close the page and go away or leave a constructive comment on what may be improved. Its easier to be cruel than to be kind but it is much more beautiful to be the latter.
Happiness
I don’t think you’d ever find an ugly happy person. Happy people exude a kind of beauty that not even my beloved Meteorites pearls can achieve, and happiness is infectious. Unless they are hyper beings, which may irritate (yes I’m not quite an angel 😛 ) its hard not to be infected by happy people; so try to surround yourself with them and not with people who persist in dragging you down with their dark negative thoughts. That is infectious too! A smile goes a long way and no one was ever made poorer for offering a friendly smile.
I will stress again that I’m no angel but I am trying to adopt a more positive attitude towards life, and to do as I say here. Heaven knows, I enjoy a juicy gossip as much as anyone else, and I am fallible as everyone is. For my part, I try to keep that to a minimum and as I have said, focus on the positive aspects of people and life and help others where I can.
I think inner beauty is what true beauty is ultimately about. It endures past the fading of physical beauty. The rest is just gloss… and well, makeup 😉
What do you think defines beauty or inner beauty for you? Do share some thoughts, even as we head into the weekend 🙂
Paris B
Photo #1 Paddy Fields in Kedah; Photo #2 Taiping Lake Gardens
karmen says
Hi Paris,
Agree wholeheartedly with your post! A pick-me-up post much needed today 🙂 Positive thoughts everyone!
Paris B says
Thank you Karmen 🙂 So easy to forget in this fast paced world! I hope the week’s been good to you.
Tine says
Great words, PB. I believe the world is lacking a bit of kindness and a whole lot of manners. How difficult is it to offer a kind word, help a stranger pick up dropped coins (without pocketing them!), or even close one’s mouth when coughing/sneezing?
Paris B says
Thanks Tine. I fell down in public once, scattering paper everywhere. No one helped. Not that I was expecting it, but the 2nd time it happened there were some kind souls who did. Yes I did fall down in public twice 😛
Angel says
Thumbs up for an entry like this!
Just like what you’ve mentioned, I do agree that over the years, as much as we girls are brought up to be gentle, warm, loving, polite and bla, bla, bla, with the influence of so many people and things around us, these positive traits are somehow dying.
I am certainly not the perfect person when it comes to all the positive elements but at least I am refraining myself from using those foul languages but sometimes, you can’t help it. I bumped into this really gorgeous lady at Ikea once and honestly, I didn’t see it was my mistake because she stepped on me with her heels and it was freaking painful. My sister, forever being the righteous person, actually told her, “You should apologize!”
Instead of apologizing, you know what she did? She rolled her eyes and said, “Whatever.”
Gorgeous physical appearance versus zero inner beauty.
Have a great weekend, Paris!
Paris B says
Thank you Angel 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed this and your experience sounds awful, really! Goes to show you that just because they are beautiful to look at doesn’t make them beautiful in fact. Hope the week’s been good to you!
Bun Bun Makeup Tips says
Beautiful post, darling. I like your points on positivity and happiness most. We all like to be surrounded by happy people, so I try to be one myself too! =D
Paris B says
Glad you agree Bun Bun, and thank you! 😀 Like you, I try to be happy too because we can’t expect to attract happy people if we ourselves aren’t
Fathin says
I’m still trying to find what is inner and outer beauty mean. Most of times I feel that I’m ugly at outside and inside despite people told me otherwise.
Paris B says
Remember Fathin, beauty is a matter of perception and we reflect what we want to see. So, trust those who tell you are beautiful – we are always our own worst critics!
Fathin says
Thanks for your kind words. I’m always hard to myself when it comes to beauty. Maybe because I’ve been told frequently that I’m not pretty since I was little so that thought stuck to me like tumor until now.
Yes, we shouldn’t focus too much on outer beauty but it does make me feel low self-esteem and maybe set my standard very low when it comes to men – as long as they tell me that I’m pretty, I instantly fall head over heels haha.
Paris B says
Ah I should have inserted one caveat – don’t believe the men LOL! 😀 Ok, not quite true. I think sometimes, men can be a little more honest than women ever will be 🙂 And I know how hard it is to get over hangups about appearances. The honest truth is that you’ll never get over it. But you can build on other more positive aspects of you – a great smile, a quick mind, a sense of humour etc – and that all adds to a better personality, and by extension, a more beautiful you. It’s not just on the outside although that’s what people see first. Remember that 🙂
Fathin says
Actually, it were my mother and my elder brother. If from men, probably stick temporary haha. But when you grow up listening to same thing, even if to them it was just joking around, it’s really hurt and make me feel ugly, undesirable and unlovable.
Come new year, I will try again build up my beautiful self. Based on my pictures and others’ comments, I think I do look beautiful. So I will try to accept that and also, to build my inner beauty, too. Heck, I probably already beautiful inside and outside but I haven’t acknowledge that yet LOL.
Paris B says
Haha no I meant, don’t believe it when men say you’re beautiful coz some of them are just slimeballs 😛 But that’s just me and my prejudices showing! Oh and family. Sigh. They think they can say anything to us in the name of “honesty” right? But usually all it does is just make us feel worse about ourselves. If it happens again, I don’t suggest being rude, but I do advocate cutting them off and saying “Look, stop saying that. It isn’t nice” if you’re polite, and well, something else if you aren’t feeling it 😛 And yes, you are beautiful – don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Ever.
Fathin says
Well, men who told me that I’m beautiful usually made it lightly, as if they are joking so I’m not even sure if they really meant it haha. There were women who also complimented me but I just thought that as being friendly/nice.
I’m away from my family for the first time, as in I now live alone instead of staying with them when I was studying/working. For someone in her mid-30, this sounds like unbelievable as most people already started living away from family when they were in 20s. I guess I’m a late bloomer haha. But this is my second chance, this is my new start to begin life independently and not keep on relying on others or getting my mind influenced heavily by others who live with me.
Paris B says
Actually, you’d be surprised at how many people who live here in the Klang Valley who never leave home. I’ve met some of them. Some are more mature despite that, but some aren’t. I think living away from home, even if within the same city or even same Taman, is a good thing. It forces us to grow up – like if you forget to pay your electricity bills, it might be cut off. It’s things like this, as well as stepping out of the shadow of family, that makes us who we are. Enjoy your time. It’s an important milestone 🙂