I turn another year older today, and as I’m wont to do, I like to ruminate on what this aging process has taught me. This year turned out to be educational in more ways than one.
I had lunch with a friend recently, talking about what’s been going on in our lives. I mentioned that I had slowed down significantly in the rat race, opting to sit by the sidelines, as opposed to running the race down by the track.
While we agreed that it isn’t the easiest thing to do, and involves sacrifice, I shared that my choice was borne out by an approach to life that I’d adopted in the past year – being content with what I have.
Slowing down on the chase for more material goods
I think the trap many of us find ourselves falling into (myself included), is to chase for more, or newer things in life. I refer here to material goods.
There is and always will be, something newer or more interesting out there. At one time in my past, I found myself wanting to own the latest mobile phone in the market. And I would buy the newest ones when they are launched. I was young, flush with my own income, and impressionable.
Fortunately, I quashed that interest quite quickly, before the mobile phone companies started releasing a new phone every year with ever increasing price tags! LOL! :P
Then, my attention turned to bags. I started out with non-designer bags, gradually transitioning to designer bags and then climbing up the designer ladder. I’d eye up new designs, or buy myself a coveted bag every year, ostensibly as a reward, or to commemorate a milestone.
About 2 years ago, I called this habit quits LOL! Now, I say I’m a bagaholic (retired) :P
Then, it was beauty products. And look where I am now LOL :D
The thing is, I spent about 20 years on the treadmill, working, earning a comfortable income, saving and spending. It was easy to buy when you know that a comfortable pay cheque will arrive eventually to cover your expenses. I never got into debt or spent more than I had. It was all very calculated, but on hindsight, rather extravagant.
Change in lifestyle and a change in mindset
A few years ago, I experienced some life changes that necessitated a change in my lifestyle. Since then, I have adopted a far more relaxed, casual lifestyle. I no longer trawl the shopping malls, looking at all the bright, shiny new things that entice you to own them. I no longer work nor associate much with people in the corporate world.
I stopped hanging out with people whose only interest in life is to talk about or discuss their newest acquisitions. I stopped thinking about what I did not have, and started thinking about what I already did.
In the process of reconciling all the changes going on in my life, I found myself experiencing a change in mindset. I stopped wanting things.
And the lightbulb went on.
I started enjoying what I owned, and I was, and am, content.
Being content with what you own
I think our lives, social media, and the way marketing has evolved, has convinced us that we need more new, bright and shiny things, in order to be happy. We are also convinced by society that if we are at a certain stage, or position in our lives or career, we should own certain things. Or at least, own better versions of what we already own.
It could be a big ticket item like a new car or house, or it could be something seemingly innocuous like a new lipstick.
I speak here not of treats or necessities. But whether we need to ‘upgrade’ what we already own, or if we can be content with what we have.
I achieved this moment of clarity about a year ago. Much in my life that was going through upheavel had settled by then, and I felt less enthused about seeking out shiny, new things.
The regular among you might have noticed this as well, as I stopped or slowed down in buying the newest makeup or skincare products in the market. I preferred to focus on what I already had or had bought before.
And I found a sweet spot, when it came to blogging.
I’m still interested in what’s new, but it no longer drives me or my passion. That’s when I stopped feeling discontented about being passed over for younger or other bloggers or online influencers. It stopped bothering me, and I was happier.
This is true in other aspects of my life as well. I’m happy with my car and have no desire nor intention to change it unless I absolutely have to. I’m happy with a roof over my head, and have no intention to move anywhere else either.
I’m happy with what I own, and discovering or rediscovering old favourites in my closet and bag cupboard. I found that I want for little, in terms of material goods, and with that, I knew I could therefore live on less.
So I did.
I don’t have a minimalist lifestyle
I must stress that I don’t lead a minimalist lifestyle or anything of that ilk. I have things, and I like my things. I am just more aware about if or when I need something new.
I can say also that this will be something that you may realize as you get older, as I have. I realized that I wanted to stop and get off the treadmill, and quit the rat race. I wanted to pause and smell the roses, without deadlines dictating my every move. I wanted to spend my time with the people who matter. And all this came at a time when I had found this contentment in my life.
So I did it. I now do my own thing, work when I want to, stop when I don’t.
I don’t have much, and I have to be mindful of wanting more. But I have enough, and I am content and happy. And really, I’m probably living my best life right now :D
Incidentally, in the past few months, I’ve had good and bad things happen in my life, that’s necessitated me being present for the people in my life who matter. Being flexible with my time has allowed me to be, through the happy and the stressful, for which I am very thankful. The universe does work its magic in mysterious ways, and cliched as it is, everything does happen for a reason. The reason sometimes takes longer to emerge than you expect :)
If you are struggling with life a little, or struggling to keep up with the Jones, or just find yourself feeling discontented with how things are going, may I suggest you pause for a moment. You don’t have to give up your job (few of us have that luxury) but you can think about what makes you content, and if you too, can be content with less, but to have more time. It might give you better perspective on things :)
All this said however, if you’re at the peak of your career, or at least in your 20s and 30s and forging your path through life, I suggest you go out there and be a go-getter and get it out of your system. So when you hit your 40’s like me, you too can afford to take this time out :D
On this note, and with this food for thought, I’m taking my annual break at this time of year. No one should work on their birthday – it should be a law. I made it mine haha! I’ll be back in a week or two (you can see what I’m up to on Instagram @parisbmws – it’s my hangout!)
Be good! ;)
xoxo
Paris B
Happiest of all birthdays, my friend. I’m so so so so happy to read this piece. It’s funny how we’re sort of experiencing similar stuff. While there’s no way I can articulate my experience in the way you could so eloquently above, it’s really what I’m learning as well – to be content. Sometimes it’s all that we need to be happy – to be content.
I’m so happy you’re not working on your birthday. You’re right, it should be outlawed.
Can’t wait for you to return and share your adventures (or misadventures!). :D :D :D
6 months late, but thank you! :) Now that we’re in lockdown, I think this message is more important than ever. Being content helps curb the urge to spend unnecessarily online, buying things I don’t need. I haven’t spent much in these few weeks, except for groceries and the odd splurge on dog accessories (lucky dog!) but am otherwise, relatvely content :)
Happy Birthday!!! Have fun and stay safe while travelling
6 months late, but thank you Eileen! :)
Happy birthday! Thank you for sharing. Btw, there’s an interesting paper with the provocative title “If money doesn’t make you happy then you probably aren’t spending it right”. You might enjoy it. :-)
That is an interesting title for a paper! I shall look for it Maja!
Happy Birthday, Ms. P!
Great to hear you’re in a good place.
Of all your blog posts, I always find that your birthday and year end posts resonate with me most.
Cheers to you, and may the year forward bring you much joy and wisdom.
6 months late, but Thank you SG!
It has been a while…happy happy Birthday Paris! Many happy returns. A beautiful and honest piece, I can echo this article. Hope you have a lovely day and year ahead.
Thank you Jen (although i’m terribly late!) I’m glad that you too have found contentment, and I hope you’re staying safe!
Thanks Paris for this insightful post. I went through a stage of accumulation in my mid-30s when I started working in recruitment (Sales) in an international recruitment company. Money was good in the 6 digits range and my colleagues were the LVs, Chanels and Hermes type and I got caught up in the rat race/treadmill too. I bought 2 properties, upgraded my car and had this checklist to purchase a shop lot by 40. Inside, I felt miserable although externally I seemed to have the “goods”. But it was not a satisfactory life because you have to keep hustling to maintain the lifestyle. I left it all when I moved to Switzerland 2 years before turning 40. I escaped the materialistic society that can be prevalent in Kuala Lumpur or Asia? You are the sum of the average type of people you hang out with and I love my former colleagues and they are more than the brands they own however when I go back on holiday, I still see the same love for shiny expensive stuff. You are right, it could be age and it’s tiring to compare and keep up. I love it here in Switzerland. Wealth is quiet and rarely flaunt here and my friends and I here learn to appreciate the simple things in life. Contentment is not complacency but a higher state of being. It is elusive to many to cherish being content :-)
oh and I love this article cause it embodies me. I could not have written it as well as the author
https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/want-mediocre-life/
Dear Paris,
Firstly l would like to wish U a blessed birthday scorpion lady,just like me.l am glad that U are contented with yourself as you get along in life.l am in my50,’s now and l feel contented and no more chasing after materialistic things.be contentented and U will feel happy and not stressful.enjoy your birthday and holiday girl.hope to receive your mail again.
Hi Yeo Hua, thank you so much and apologies for being a full 6 months late! haha… I’m glad we’re all feeling all comfortable now that we’re get older and appreciate the finer things in life. Truly, this is a journey that it seems everyone must discover on their own. I hope you’re keeping well!
Oh Kendra, thank you so much for this link! I read it and it resonates so well with me, everyone should read it! :D
Hi Kendra, thank you for your input and insight. I can so relate to your experience, as it is something that most of us have gone through especially in the early heady years of work, and low commitments. The thing is to get out of that trap and to curb that desire to keep accumulating more and more material goods. I’m happy to hear that you’re happy and content, and I hope you stay safe in this time!
and Happy Birthday! Enjoy your holiday break :-)
Happy birthday ?? & enjoy your holiday, ParisB! I don’t work on my birthday too — even if I don’t have any plans, I just don’t want to be “stuck” in the office! ?
Thank you Sandra even if I’m 6 months late! :P And no one should ever work on their birthday. There should be a law against it!
Happy Birthday !
Thanks Reese! :)
Blessed birthday Paris! Another great article again. So agree about contentment & another habit that I want to stop in myself is comparing with others. I guess its human nature to compare but the habit can really eat you up inside if it is not controlled. Enjoy your break ?
6 months late, but thank you Victoria :) It is definitely human nature to compare yourself with others, and to want what others have. So it comes down to self control and your self happiness. Ultimately, few people who are forever wanting things are truly happy :)
Happy birthday, Paris!
Thank you Amalia!
Happy birthday, Paris!
I totally get you… though I’ve been a pretty content person most of my life (credits to my mum) and have always cherished the quality of life I have with family and friends over making more money. Oh, I definitely like all the branded stuff too but I don’t crave them. It’s finding really good bargains in the Op Shops in Melbourne that really make my heart flutter! Haha.
So here’s to you on your birthday… and to living a more contented, fulfilled life!
Hi Yu Ming, thank you, even though I’m 6 months late :P It’s good that you have realized this early in life. We derive our joys in different ways and means, and ultimately, it is rarely through material goods. I wish we had that sort of choice of items in op shops here, as you do in Australia! I won’t even know where to start looking here, though everyone loves a bargain! ;)
Oh I don’t live in Melbourne, i live in PJ… but my mum and I go op shop hopping when we visit my brother in Melbourne! You’re right… op shops there have loads of stuff from clothes, book, kitchen and home ware and furniture!
Thanks for this post and Happy Birthday! I’ve reached my mid-30s now and I feel so, so tired already from trying to keep up with the Joneses. I eventually took a break from my normal job last month to do my postgrad study here in the UK just to get away from it all for the next year. Aging scares me especially when I felt (or people make me feel) that I haven’t achieved enough. My self-esteem has taken a toll lately but I’ve been trying to build it back up. I’m trying to pay off my financial debts too and putting aside my panic of not having much savings at all. One at a time. Bless you again for this post and best wishes!
Hi Liz, thank you :) I’m sorry to hear that you feel that you aren’t doing or achieving enough. I think we all put too much pressure on ourselves, to conform to society’s perception of success (and we also put too much pressure on ourselves trying to excel) but I’m glad you realize it, and that you have taken steps to look after yourself first. Learning to live with less has been one of the best things I’ve taught myself in recent years. It’s not easy, but it will be more fulfilling :)
Hi Paris,
I’m so happy you’re in this sweet spot. You look beautiful and “content” in that picture at the wall, but I can’t help wondering – are you at the bottom of your hike, or is this the assent (which explains that natural glow, not sweat)LOL ?
Best birthday wishes and love,
Kristine
Hi Kristine, thank you for your kind words :) As for the picture at the wall, you bet I was at the top of the wall after a bit of a walk haha! It was terribly cold however, and I did have a touch of cushion foundation on. Oh, and excellent lighting of course hehe… Hope you’re keeping well!
Happy Birthday, Paris.
Late, but thank you! :)
Dear Paris,
Happy Birthday!
From what I understand, you must have gone through rough times, no matter how elegantly you do put it for us readers. I feel with you and wish you all the best. Please stay as honest to yourself and look forward to the future.
We haven‘t met in person but you are very special to me. You are strong and positive- don‘t ever forget it!
Hi Anna, thank you so much. Yes, times were rough for a while, but it’s behind me now :D Thank you for the support, it means so much to me! Take care :D
Happy Birthday, Paris!
Wishing you all the happiness in the world.
Enjoy your time and follow your heart. I absolutely enjoyed this piece. I get you.
Thank you :D
What a wonderful post Paris <3 I'm sure it will help a lot of us put into words what we may be feeling, or make us pause a little and think about where we are at :)
I'm quite a saver but in saying that, I probably give myself a larger weekly 'allowance' than I should. I'd definitely like to 'practise' being more content and as a result, relaxed. It's a difficult balance to find and might be different for each of us (i.e. how do you not become a scrooge, enjoy life, but not spend too much?). I can't say I've figured it out but I'm trying.
Can you believe I did not go to ONE department store while I was in Korea? At the airport I only picked up a few items I already own and love, but I have to say that while I was there, I was feeling some serious FOMO (for not having gone to a department store). Now I'm glad I didn't prioritise shopping over spending time with my friends and experiences but gosh it's hard! :)
I think we’re all guilty of treating ourselves a little more than we should, but really, who can blame us. It’s our own money after all! haha :D I think also we all have different levels of contentment, and different times at which we achieve that contentment. You’ll get there – you’re already on the right track :)
What a wise and peaceful perspective you’ve gained. I’m older than you, and while I’ve experienced some of the contentment you talk about, I still can get triggered by the need for new things. It’s no longer everything, by any means, but a few brands still get me panting to use my credit card. ;) Hopefully, some day I will reach your state of acceptance and satisfaction with life. :)
And though it is long overdue, I wish you a happy birthday! From your posts on Insta, it looks like this year is handing you challenges…I hope it brings you joy as well.
Oh I’m no saint! I get tempted too, and in fact, I just loaded up my shopping cart yesterday because Easter sales are beginning to come in! But I quickly exited the page so I didn’t proceed too far haha! I think it’s ok to want new things – acting on it is a different issue however ;) I’m terribly late myself, but thank you for the kind wishes <3
Happy belated birthday, Paris! Hope you are enjoying your well-deserved break and spending time with your loved ones.
Thank you Nicole!