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Home » Interesting Discussions » With age comes wisdom – or does it come with more than just that?

With age comes wisdom – or does it come with more than just that?

October 24, 2018 Paris B 37 Comments

We often hear it said – “With age comes wisdom”

I often think of it as a bit of a band-aid. It’s just nicer to hear that instead of getting older and therefore over the hill, you are in fact, getting wiser. And we could all do with getting a little wiser!

parisb older and wiser

But as I turn another chapter in this story of life, I have come to wonder if it is just wisdom we gain, or if we are downplaying the other things that we could also learn about ourselves as we grow older. The wisdom to know that we are more than just the sum of our parts 🙂

As I turn 44 today, I can quite confidently tell you of 4 qualities you will stand to gain, even as your grey hairs start showing more than you’d like.

Self-Confidence

When life has blessed you with almost 4.5 full decades on earth, you stop giving a damn about what people think LOL! 😀 OK, you will, sometimes. But in the main, you will have enough self-confidence to say and do what you want, when you want it, how you want it.

Self-confidence is a trait that some of us are born with. Some of us are forced to have, and some of us gain it along the road of life. I fall in that latter category, tempered with some from the middle category.

I’ve been blessed (or cursed) with an analytical mind. Often therefore, I have my plan A, B and C lined up, even before I step into any given situation. It’s just how I am, which truth to tell, can be tiring, but it helps me avoid dead-ends and pitfalls LOL! 🙂

But what I’ve learnt about myself is that that planning (or over-planning) has helped me boost my self-confidence along the way. And that’s something that comes with over 40 years of life experience.

As you get older therefore, you gain not only wisdom, but also self-confidence. The confidence to speak your mind, to form your own thoughts and views, and more importantly, to hold onto them even if others disagree.

You gain the self-confidence to hold your head high, because there is much that you have seen, and more that you have been through. Little should surprise you anymore for people and situations are nothing, if not repetitive.

You gain the self-confidence to spend time on your own, and to appreciate quiet. To understand that sitting on a couch and reading, or watching TV or even just napping, is not a waste of time. It is a privilege to have.

You are confident in your choice of clothes and makeup. And more importantly, to NOT wear makeup, if you don’t want to 🙂

You are confident to know that a smile not only makes you look tons better, it can also be used as a weapon because no one really knows how to react when you smile back at them – even if it is a cold smile of rage, filled with promise of revenge LOL 😀

You are confident enough to say no instead of yes all the time. And to mean it.

The 40’s are said to be the new 30’s, and so many people say that you stop caring what people think. I don’t think that’s quite true. You do care what people think. But you are confident enough in yourself, so it doesn’t matter as much to you what other people think 🙂

But there is one aspect of confidence I have not yet achieved – the confidence to pose for decent photos LOL! 😀

parisb tori gate japan

Tolerance

I was a bit of a fire-brand back in the day, with a very short fuse, and quick to act and react and judge. I’ve thrown a pretty fit in professional circumstances that I’m not terribly proud of today (even if it did get me results 😛 ). In many ways, I’ve never really changed. I’m still short-tempered, and I still hold grudges.

But what I have, is mellowed.

They say that you mellow with age. It’s like wine. A young wine is sharp and acidic on the palate. Leave it for a few years, and the resultant vintage is usually smoother, and less acidic. I can safely say that people, like wine, do mellow with age.

For me, it is about having a greater level of tolerance.

I find that I am more tolerant when people make mistakes, or when something untoward happens that might affect my plans. I find I am more willing to compromise to find a solution, and less quick to lash out. I’m more tolerant to treat it as a moment of “Shit happens” and work to find a solution instead of assign blame.

I am also more tolerant when people say and do things that I may not agree with. Or perhaps an unwarranted critique comes my way. When younger, I’d have reacted, and quite possibly, hurt the person’s feelings. These days, depending on who it is, I either smile and move along, let it bounce off, or if it really hits home, reply but be diplomatic. If it means I’ll end up in a heated argument, I usually choose to agree to disagree, and walk away. It isn’t about winning or losing, it is about self-preservation – I’m not about to give myself high blood pressure arguing over trivialities.

Granted, I do occasionally have lapses in judgement, when I might lash out more readily than I like. But in the main, I have found my tolerance level far higher than I ever would have had back in my 20’s.

There is however, one caveat – as you age, your tolerance for bullshit decreases at the same rate as your tolerance level increases 😛

If someone says or does something obviously wrong or dumb, I’ll call it out, or roll my eyes openly. It comes back also to having that confidence to step up and call out bullshit LOL 🙂

Courage

Along with confidence and tolerance, you gain courage.

The courage to do things that you might never otherwise do. Perhaps, it is that subconscious idea that you are half-way through life, and if you don’t do what you want, you might never do it 😛

The concept of YOLO – You Only Live Once – is one that is attributed to the millennials and youth, who seem to throw all caution to the wind when it comes to life decisions.

In some ways, when you hit your 40’s, you do have a slightly different concept of YOLO. It isn’t so much that you only have one life to live, so live it to the fullest. It is more about being more willing to take chances and trying new experiences, because you have one life to live, and if not now, when?

You will find that you are braver than you thought you were. If solo dining used to be daunting – ooh, people would think I have no friends – it is actually now liberating to not have to talk to anyone while you eat.

If wearing red lipstick used to be challenging – ooh, people will stare at me – now, you slick it on with practiced ease. Hey, you look good. People SHOULD stare! 😉

Is it any wonder that you read of older people taking on new hobbies, or scaling new heights – in some cases, literally climbing mountains! For many, it is because they have that new-found courage to do something new, to break societal norms, and the confidence to take on a new challenge.

You will gain the courage to do things you never thought you would have to do. To pick yourself up and step into the wilderness, if that is where you are cast. And to put on your Daniel Boone hat and blaze your path through the woods.

We are all faced with different situations and challenges. If the need arises, and self-preservation is required, you will gain that courage to take a long hard look at things that don’t work for you, turn on your heel and walk away without looking back.

parisb mywomenstuff

Wisdom

Let me be the first to tell you that wisdom teeth do not signal the coming of wisdom. All they do is bring you lots of unwarranted pain and very expensive trips to the dentist 😛

But with age, even as you gain confidence, tolerance and courage, you will also gain the wisdom to use those qualities. At least, some of the time 😛

You will gain the wisdom that:

  • sleeping early not only helps you look better, it helps you feel better the next morning and prevents you from turning into a zombie. They don’t call it beauty sleep for nothing!
  • a handful of friends you can count on when you need them beats having 1000 people you call friends if only in passing
  • Friday nights in doesn’t mean you’re missing out on life – you’re just missing out on being stuck in traffic, paying for overpriced drinks and food, and shouting over loud music – and that is a good thing!
  • It’s not the end of the world if you missed out on that Limited Edition eyeshadow palette – it will come around again eventually
  • you can have too many bags, even if that is your first love! Believe you me, I shocked myself coming up with this one 😛
  • you don’t really care if anyone sees you in the same outfit again – it means you’re getting good cost per wear
  • you make your own happiness. If you find yourself needing people and things to make you happy, you never will be.
  • days pass a lot faster and you’ll find yourself saying things like “Is it October … already?! Where did the year go?!” or “You mean it’s Christmas time… already?! Soon it’ll be a new year!”

All that said, I think we all gain these insights at different times, at different levels and different stages. Some of us attain these earlier some later. In many ways, I am pretty much in my own little bubble, just as you are, for we have different considerations, commitments, values and life experiences. But it is something to think about, for ultimately, at whichever age we are, I think we can all do with a shot of confidence, a healthy dose of tolerance and courage, and the wisdom to harness it for our own good 🙂

So, don’t fret getting older, or seeing those white hairs. You will gain so much more – and it’s not only wisdom 🙂

And on that note, I’m taking a wee break, as I customarily do at this time of year because no one should ever have to work on their birthday 😀 Be good! 😉

xoxo

Paris B

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About Paris B

Paris B is a 40-something beauty and skincare enthusiast with a practical and very critical view of beauty products and the world of beauty. Her mission on My Women Stuff is to deliver clear, honest reviews and facilitate discussions about beauty trends and life, tempered with a healthy dose of humour. Let the buyer's remorse be ours not yours! When not testing the newest skincare creams and lotions, or playing with makeup, find her testing her culinary skills in the kitchen at Chez PB. Read more about us here or leave a comment below or connect with us on social media at Instagram, Facebook and Twitter!

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37 comments ... Read or JOIN THE DISCUSSION

  1. Zaza says

    October 24, 2018 at 8:59 am

    I never commented but this post really highlight what I enjoy about your blog: honest and simple, yet elegant and as you said, analytical at the same time! I love seeing other women age gracefully and embrace the experience of traveling through time, it really gives me joy to think of all that is still ahead to enjoy as I approach my thirties 🙂

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 8:46 am

      Thank you for commenting Zaza and for your kind words 🙂 I’m happy that my outlook and view on life resonates with you and gives you something to look forward to – there is so much to look forward to 🙂

      Reply
  2. Hui Min says

    October 24, 2018 at 10:02 am

    I am really impressed by and agreed to the wisdom mentioned by you. At the age of 26, I am already rejecting unwanted night outings and drinking sessions, as well as being contented on wearing my favourite makeup and outfits without paying too much attention on what others say. Also, it is a must for me to sleep long enough every night.

    However, all these habits made me a weirdo in my current workplace, where people drinks every Friday night and cares about you wearing an outfit repeatedly. I opt for the minimalist and decent style (my favourite Uniqlo!!) which save my money and time, but it wasn’t being understood by my colleagues. Meanwhile, they think that makeup is unnecessary and harmful to the skin. Well, I would say that it depends on your habits, if you remove your makeup properly everyday, it actually acts as a protective layer on your skin.

    When I read about this post, I was like “oh yeah, great minds think alike!” I do have friends who care about others view too much and eventually lead themselves to depression. It is wise to think less and be happier.

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 8:50 am

      It looks like you’re wiser than your years Hui Min 😉 It’s not a bad thing at all! I know how you feel like a fish out of water, especially when your peers and colleagues are the total opposite of what your character is. The funny thing about makeup is that people have such diverse views on them, and as you say, many people scorn it, thinking we are vain or superficial to enjoy it. As you say, makeup isn’t harmful. We just have to be smart about it, and hey, if it makes us happy and makes us look better, I don’t see how that can be a bad thing at all! 🙂 Just keep being who you are – the rest will catch up eventually 😉

      Reply
  3. Esther Yeong says

    October 24, 2018 at 10:12 am

    Happy Birthday PB!! Agree on all qualities that you shared even as I am now in my late 30s! Enjoy your birthday! 🙂

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 8:51 am

      Thank you for the kind wishes Esther! 😀

      Reply
  4. Bugs says

    October 24, 2018 at 12:15 pm

    Happy Birthday !!! High-five 40+

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 8:53 am

      Thank you Bugs 🙂

      Reply
  5. ZF says

    October 24, 2018 at 2:43 pm

    Happy birthday my dear, stay fabulous as always!

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 8:54 am

      Thank you so much ZF 🙂

      Reply
  6. Lisa says

    October 24, 2018 at 3:40 pm

    Hi Paris,

    This post is really what I am feeling. As I am approaching the number 4, I felt the exact same thing that you were describing.

    Staying in on Friday is something I am looking forward to, rather than having some crazy clubbing.

    Perhaps one more thing I need to learn is to wear red lipstick! 🙂

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:03 am

      Hey Lisa, isn’t it so liberating? 😀 Glad that you’re happy just being who you are, because ultimately, that’s the most important thing of all! Oh, and ease into red lipstick – not everyone will enjoy it and you know, as you get older, just stick to what you enjoy – life’s too short 😉

      Reply
  7. Lily Ong says

    October 24, 2018 at 4:32 pm

    Happy birthday Paris and have a good break!

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:04 am

      Thank you Lily 🙂

      Reply
  8. Shasha says

    October 25, 2018 at 12:48 am

    Just wanted to drop in and say, Happy Birthday PB! Lovely post as usual. And enjoy your time away!

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:05 am

      Thank you so much Shasha! 🙂 Hope your wedding planning is going well! Don’t waste away in the process 😀

      Reply
  9. Skygazer says

    October 25, 2018 at 11:07 pm

    Happy Birthday PB!

    I so agree with your list of what we realize with age!

    In my opinion age also brings a realization of mortality–that life is impermanent; that what we leave behind.

    Cheers to a wiser and happier version of ourselves, I’m sure you agree, we wouldn’t have it any other way! ?

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:06 am

      Thank you! And you are right actually about the reality of mortality. If I’m lucky, I’m halfway through my life. If I’m not, erm… who knows! So that rush to accumulate more and more has subsided greatly as compared to when I was younger. A lot of crap has happened to me in recent times, but as they say, if it doesn’t kill you, it just makes you stronger so here’s to a better version of ourselves! 🙂

      Reply
  10. Klee says

    October 26, 2018 at 6:02 am

    Happy Birthday! Adding another year is a privilege, that’s what I tell myself 🙂

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:07 am

      Thank you Klee and you are absolutely right! Growing older is indeed a privilege that we should embrace, not fear 🙂

      Reply
  11. Victoria says

    October 26, 2018 at 11:31 am

    Blessed birthday Paris :-). Love this insightful post and I could not agree more on it. Hope you had a wonderful birthday celebration with family and friends.

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:07 am

      Thank you Victoria! I did had some fun times this year, some rather unexpected times too! So it was good 😀

      Reply
  12. Shasha Marican says

    October 26, 2018 at 5:15 pm

    Happy birthday Paris! Agree totally on all the qualities. Have a good break and we really need to schedule that coffee session.

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:08 am

      Thank you Shasha! And yes, coffee soon! Hit me up 😉

      Reply
  13. Nicole says

    October 26, 2018 at 11:19 pm

    Happy 44th Birthday! Have a wonderful break! Enjoy reading your insightful post as always. Agree with most of the wise things to do. Wish I can have the wisdom to sleep early. It’s just so tough, but I really should make an attempt. 🙂

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:09 am

      Thank you Nicole! 🙂 Oh, you’ll get to the stage when you just KNOW you must sleep early, because you feel like utter crap the next day if you don’t haha! 😀 Rather, that’s me today – had an unexpectedly late night last night, and I’m now zombie central. Sigh….

      Reply
      • Nicole says

        November 1, 2018 at 8:40 pm

        Ha Ha. I’m already feeling crap the next day on most days. Just need to push myself to adopt a healthier habit. Maybe improve by 15 minutes per week? Ok….I shall try that. Hey, were you celebrating Halloween at Zombie central? 🙂

        Reply
        • Paris B says

          November 2, 2018 at 10:44 am

          Haha well I wish I had that much excitement in my life, but no, I just let the night get away from me. Can’t make that same mistake again!

          Reply
  14. yeo hua says

    October 27, 2018 at 11:00 am

    happy 44 paris.what u say and your thoughts are what we go through in life.glad to hear that.anyway enjoy your birthday and may happiness and good health be with u always.

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:09 am

      Thank you so much for your kind wishes Yeo Hua 🙂

      Reply
  15. Beauty Bee says

    October 27, 2018 at 5:32 pm

    This is such a wonderful post Paris!!! Thank you for sharing it with us!!! Hugs <3 xoxo

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:10 am

      Thank you so much Sylvia. Glad you enjoyed it! 🙂

      Reply
  16. Alyssa says

    October 28, 2018 at 12:20 am

    Blessed birthday and come back soon ?

    Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:13 am

      Thank you Alyssa! 😀 And yes, I’m back, for better or worse 😀

      Reply
  17. sosusam says

    October 31, 2018 at 5:49 am

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us as you cross the threshold to 44. As someone on the far side of 50, I applaud your attitude toward aging! It’s refreshing and smart and compassionate. I always learn something about skin care and cosmetics from yours review. It turns out I have much to learn from you about life as well. 🙂

    Here’s to a wonderful year ahead for you!

    Reply
    • sosusam says

      October 31, 2018 at 5:51 am

      Sorry, that should be *your reviews* (not “yours review”)

      Reply
    • Paris B says

      November 1, 2018 at 9:35 am

      Thank you so much for your kind words! I do tend to often forget how wide my audience is, so thank you for not telling me that I’m very far wrong in my approach to growing older 😀 I don’t think we should be wary or afraid, or despair – it is a privilege to grow older, and we have a lot to learn from ourselves in the process, and I bet I have a ton to learn from you too! 🙂

      Reply

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Welcome to My Women Stuff, a beauty blog based in Malaysia, written by veteran blogger, Paris B. What you can expect is honesty, critical views & a healthy dose of shared life lessons sprinkled amongst beauty product reviews. What you shouldn't expect is a page filled with unnecessary narcissistic photos. MWS is a blog for those who love to read, because we love to write! Read More about MWS and Paris B

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