Grey hair is such a sensitive issue isn’t it?
Often, when we discover our first grey (or white) hair, it is with a sense of gloom. It is a sign that age has caught up with us, and that we aren’t the spring chicken that we thought we were.
I remember that sinking feeling when I discovered my first grey hair sticking straight up the top of my head in my early 20’s. It was at that exact moment that I knew what the old saying “It’s all downhill from here!” meant.
I then swore that when I started greying, I’d start colouring my hair again. It’s been 20 years since, so have I kept true to that promise to myself? 🙂
Well, no I haven’t 🙂
I used to colour my hair a lot when I was much younger. It was one of my personal luxuries, when I started earning my own money. Spending lots of money on my hair, and changing the colour now and then, was something I was happy to do.
Along the way however, after the realities of adulthood had sunk in and personal commitments started building up, I cut back on these luxuries. I also felt that I was putting unnecessary stress on my hair, and spending money unnecessarily.
I haven’t coloured my hair in at least 10 years, and I’m fine with it. It’s not something I want to do anymore, having been there and done that!
When the first grey/white hairs started coming through, I’d sometimes pluck them out as I see them, only to be told “Don’t pluck your white hair! 3 more will grow in its place!”
True or not, I wasn’t risking it! LOL! 😀
But now that I have more white hair coming through, a decision had to be made. Would I leave my hair au naturel, or was I going to hide the grey?
The decision was an easy one to make. I decided to leave my hair as is.
Part of the reason is due to self-acceptance. I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching over the years, and with it has come self-acceptance and a ‘Fuck that’ attitude.
I’ve learnt to embrace my imperfections on my skin, and the fact I’ve had to size up my clothing. It’s all part of what makes me, me.
The other reason is because I have a supportive hairdresser, who essentially told me not to colour my hair, because if I did, I’d have to keep at it, and the grey/white hair would be more noticeable, when they grow out. Rarely do you have a hairdresser who isn’t out to milk you for all your money, and encourage you to do all sorts of unspeakable things to your hair! I liked that he was a voice of reason.
The final reason is simply me giving the middle finger to society. Why should society dictate what my hair colour should be, or why growing older is so frowned upon?
Women have it hard enough as it is in society. We take one step forward thinking we make progress, and are then pulled back 3 steps, by both men and other women who think we don’t know our place.
We are reminded everywhere that showing signs of aging is frowned upon. We are encouraged to reduce our fine lines and erase wrinkles. We are sold procedures to remove dark spots and brighten dull skin. We are encouraged to keep our hair dark, to maintain the illusion of youth.
Well, there comes a point when I draw the line, and I’ve drawn mine. I basically said “Fuck that!” and decided to just leave things as they are. If I look older, so be it. There is a story there. There is privilege to growing older.
Besides, I roll my eyes every time an older man, with his greying hair is hailed as distinguished, and an older woman with greying hair is looked upon as “old”. Enough of the double standards already!
Perhaps I find it an easier decision to make, for greying seems to come late in my family, and with short hair, it’s less visible. Perhaps, if I found myself greying significantly in my late 20’s, I might be less secure in making this decision.
So, this is the position I’m taking. I’m letting my grey come through. I hope one day, to have a head full of snowy white hair. That would be very cool! 😀
But till that day, I’ll be showing off the greys in my hair. I’m comfortable with it, and that’s all that matters.
If someone else were to take the position that they prefer to hide their grey hair, I have nothing to say against it. My mom does, with henna. It’s a decision she made that she’s happy with, and ultimately, that’s all that really matters – what WE think and feel, not what anyone else does! There is no right or wrong answer 🙂
Do you or do you plan to cover your grey hair?
It is a little bit of a sensitive topic I know, but it’s always interesting to hear what people will do 😀
Paris B
i just recently dye my hair to cover the greys, because the grey patches is way too obvious! if only a few strands here n there i would have just ignore it. but them patches is so in ur face that i always find it make me look somewhat unkept.
Hi! I dyed my hair bright BRIGHT red for years and then one day I just had enough! I think it just started to look all wrong on me. Not to say crazy hair doesn’t suit ‘older ‘ women it just wasn’t for me anymore ????? I’m 51 now and started to feel that way a bit after 48 maybe.
And mostly I was soooo fed up with dyeing it and the white hairs showing after a week or so!! I dyed it a more natural colour in the hope of having a less obvious growth line. No such luck haha – I have about three inches now of mixed white and brown and the rest a sort of auburn ??
BUT – I truly love it. It does look a bit unkempt that’s true but I’m rolling with it. I have a great white streak in my fringe and although my mum thinks I’m weird (she’s 80 and still dying her hair blonde, she’s very glamorous) I’m really excited by this. I wish I was brave enough to buzz cut so I could get it all over and done with! My kids used to call them ‘unicorn hairs’ ? when they saw them And I’d let them pull them out haha – but now the white hairs are winning ?
I followed a lot of cool pages on insta and fb for women going grey/giving up dye , Grombre is a great one – it really seems to be a ‘thing’ at the moment and is so empowering for so many reasons. I love reading everyone’s stories and all the women supporting each other. It does feel a bit like a radical and somewhat feminist act when we are so encouraged not to ‘age’
Funny cos I still use the full arsenal of creams and potions lol but I’m somehow just averse to ‘fakery’ now. Like – why do I dye my hair?To pretend I’m not over 50? Who am I doing that for? Etc. When it was bright red well that was for fun – but to keep dying it a ‘natural’ colour – I was increasingly like, why?!!
I think it’s 100% each to their own, but if you want to do it then go for it. And the money and time saving is awesome ??
Loved reading this post, it’s so topical right now and I love your take on things ? thanks!! And sorry to go on soooooo long ?
For some reason all my emojis have come out as ‘????’ So hmmm some of that may look odd lol
Love your sharing Sarah! <3
What a nice topic to start the day! I embrace the fact that I am getting on in age. Started to notice the odd gray hairs here and there around late 30s. I chose not to cover it purely for economical reason….heh heh heh. Whenever I catch sight of the silvery strands, in my heart there’s a voice saying it’s a badge that I’ve earned, and I am very at ease with that.
Yup, everything you said! I only started greying visibly in my 40s. The weird thing is that the right side has significantly more greys/whites than the left side of my head. Go figure! Well-meaning people have pointed my grey hairs out and suggested colouring. No, thanks. Malas to upkeep but the main reason is the F-U to societal expectations. The ONLY thing that bothers me a bit is that the grey/whites seem to be more unruly and try to make themselves prominent? Ahahahahaha
I had quite a bit of gray hair in my early 20s, already (I remember going to a hairdresser who yelled out for each single gray hair she found…). But ever since, they have only increased a little bit.
Actually, I dye my hair not because of the gray hairs, but because I want an overall different color. But it’s semi permanent, it washes out after two or three months, so I hardly have any roots.
I’ve considered stopping, I’ve considered getting balayage… on verra. For the time being I like coloring my hair, the warm chocolate color makes me happy. 🙂
I am 47, and I left my hear as it is several years ago. I thought is was ridiculous spending such an amount of time and such an amount of money on something so little productive that it would last properly done less than a month. What type of joke is that? I do not embrace tyding myself in such a based on fear slavery .
Now, my hair is healthy and beautiful . I am confident with it. I think it is important to do skincare and a bit of make up. A pop of colour on your cheeks and a bit of lipstick. You are beautiful as you are just embrace. Also leaving the hair au natural leads you to a properly and progresibly aging acceptance. I support of course women dying their hair or not, but surely it is not for me.
Take your money and go o holidays, it is a better investment!
Hey Paris…I was looking forward to reading your new informative blog on skincare or make up and yet, I find an ultra inspirational blog on hair greying issue. Thank you for your timely blog !!
I have never coloured my hair in my entire life (still haven’t done it) as I was told the maintenance from folks who have done so, it’s hard enough for me to keep my hair frizz free and shiny ….hair colouring exacerbates it!
I do hold fascination in colouring my hair one day when my hair turns all grey. Then my daughter started having fun finding and plucking my strands of silver hair (bad enough that i find strands of white frizzy hair, my strands show up as shiny silver !!) ….it gave me a strange comfort of accepting of my age and respecting the course of nature.
Having spent majority of my life dreading and (foolishly) caring about society’s perception of me, I have decided to stick up the mid finger and purposefully have folks criticise my grey strands…
When my self criticism kicks in, every time I feel like colouring my hair, I donate the equivalent sum to Aussie bushfire or other causes….it calms my mind more than the anxiety of when to book my next maintenance appointment to hide my grey strands
Hi Paris,
You look so cute sitting by that river with the blossoms. Was that photo taken recently? If it was you could pass for a teenager. Even if you did have grey hair people would think you did it on purpose to be “fashionable”.
I love these topics for women over 40, and even 50 (like me). Challenging times require letting the facade slip a little, or even a lot, and learn to be playful and happy.
I watched a video of Elon Musk’s mother, Maye, who’s 71, doing her night-time skincare routine. Such an uplifting watch. Less for the products. More for the youthful pizazz she exudes ! She’s rocking her grey and is a model !
Kristine
Hi Kristine, you’re so sweet haha! That photo by the river was taken back in 2018 and I was certainly not a teen back then too hehe… Thank you for letting me know you enjoy posts like these! I’ll be sure to share more as I go along.
Dear Paris,
l agreed totally what you mention.we women re always on the losing end when it comes to almost anything.like U say when men have white hair they are distinguish.and when we have grey hair those idiot will comment that we arelau char Bor(old lady).so just ignore what those men think of us and like U say fuck it.we have our right to do what we like.thanks and don’t get bothered by them saying about us women
Hello! As someone who is genetically predisposed to white hair, I just never bothered. My siblings and I have all had white hairs since we were children, and while my sister regularly dyes her hair at home, I kind of just learned to live with it because I don’t have the energy to keep it up for the rest of my life. I’ve heard many salon stylists and well-meaning friends/family coaxing me to have my hair dyed (especially before my wedding), but I feel having white hair is part of me now. I know people say it makes me look old, but I am actually curious how I would look once the white hairs fully take over. Besides, all the money I spend on skincare should do the job of making me look younger right? Hahaha.
Having started greying in my teens, I’ve battled with this issue almost all my life. While in school, dad forbade me from colouring my hair, and it was hard because I had to deal with the stares and questions. I coloured my hair the day I moved out and it was a relief and I saw myself as “normal” again. It was one less thing to worry about especially in an increasingly vicious dating world. When my husband left me for another woman, it was inevitable that all my insecurities about my appearance surfaced. When you’re heading into your 50s and are suddenly alone and wondering how to get into the dating game again, you try to look younger, thinner, prettier. Getting thinner takes time, getting prettier…lol…costs money. Looking younger – there’s that instant fix – hair colouring! But the reality, I’ve learnt, is that for all the effort you make into looking “date-able”, an older woman, with or without grey hair, is already fighting a losing battle. It isn’t society. Society will continue to propagandize youth and a size 2. The reality, sadly, is that I am the problem. I let them do it to me. Yup, it’s time to set ourselves free.
Found that I just had to leave a comment to this post. Though I’ve yet to have visible grey hair but I know there are several strands lurking somewhere but the point is when you age you will just lose hair volume so I’d choose grey hair anytime over losing hair volume anytime. I coloured my hair a few times for fashion’s sake and that’s it, back to black hair for me!
I’m 52. I decided to stop dyeing my hair before Christmas 2018, because I wanted to stop putting chemicals in my hair. Also, I was inspired by another friend who had grown out her greys nicely. When I talked about my decision to stop dyeing more friends of mine joined me. It’s nice to have a support group among your friends for this. I look a bit more “auntie” now but I’ve come to terms with it. All I need is a good haircut to make it look like I’ve just highlighted my hair.
I faced this dilemma too when my hair started greying like crazy. I was just 25 at that point. Well, I am soon hitting my 30s but now I feel like I have accepted it and my grey hair don’t really bother me anymore.