Life isn’t just seen in black or white
I usually have a carefully planned out schedule of posts for the blog so I know just how the week will progress but I bumped off the scheduled post for this rather impromptu one instead. Ah, blogging on the fly – gotta love that feeling 😉
Anyway, over this week, I read 2 posts from 2 bloggers which touched on a similar subject – public perception of the social media/blogging you vs the real you. One was by Renee of Beauty Fool and the other was by Bangsandabun. Both had me thinking.
When you read a person’s blog, or view their social media profiles on Twitter, Facebook and/or Instagram (I’m only picking the 3 most popular ones at the moment) do you sometimes think “Gosh, what a charmed life he/she leads. Free holidays, free food, free parties, I want that too!” or “He/She is going on holiday again! So lucky!” or “He/She always gets free stuff, so lucky!”
You won’t be alone, because I sometimes do the same. Yet I am quite aware that the face we wear on social media is and may not be the same face that we wear in real life. No matter whether you own a blog, many of us these days are on one social media platform or another, sharing, sharing and sharing. Over-sharing, some might even say.
Yet, how many of us choose to share only the good and happy things? To project a smiley face to the world because its just easier or its expected of us? Or do you share the moments when you feel down, upset, angry too?
Life, as the saying goes, is not a bed of roses.
Even if it was, a bed of roses would, I imagine, be a rather painful thorny bed. But we can always project the image that it is.
So, as I mentioned in my comment to Renee, I don’t personally think anyone is truly “real” in the social media world simply because each person has so many aspects to them, and we have different faces that we put on to face different people. The “realness” of it lies in the consistency of a person’s reactions and behaviour. Its not about being untrue to yourself, its just about being socially gracious. As Bangsandabun pointed out in her post, we don’t want to be that Debbie Downer whining and moaning away about things all the time; its just not social.
I personally don’t see anything wrong in showing only the sides we want to show the world at large. We talk about the holiday we had, the good food we ate, the wonderful time we spent with friends. We don’t talk about what we have deprived ourselves of so we can save up for that dream holiday, the meals you give up so you can go to that one wonderful restaurant, and the difficulty trying to have all your friends together in one room just once.
We may talk about an event we attended, a new product we tried but we don’t talk about the obligations imposed on us to have to send the word out about the event or the product, the hassles getting to the venue, the non-reimburseable exorbitant parking charges we pay.
Perception and projection. That’s what it ultimately comes down to.
So, while we want to think that a person’s life is all rainbows and roses, just realise that its what THEY want you to see; and there’s nothing to stop YOU from doing the same. The next time you think someone is so lucky to have a wonderful life, think again of the late hours they may have had to put in at work, the obligations they have to different people, the work they’ve had to do to get where they are. Remember, its all perception.
Do you tend to project only positive and happy things on your social media profile? Do you think you’re being “real”?
For myself, it depends on the platform I’m on and the capacity in which I am sharing but in general, I prefer to go the way of being careful with what I share online and when I do share, to keep it happy so I think that’s about as real as it gets. Fact is, few of us know much about the lives of the people we “follow” in the social media world and we only have their projections to build perceptions on and the understanding that life isn’t a bed of roses 🙂
Paris B
It’s really all just an image. I’m “truer” on Twitter but only to a certain extent because I cannot document every single moment I go through. And neither do I want it to be read by the followers I have. For every tweet about how much I hate work sometimes, there are probably 10 more on how much I enjoy and how exhilarating it is but that’s not documented because I want to live in it and savour it. (Sorry, twitter followers for hearing only my whinges)
On FB, I’m very selective with what I post because it’s more widely-read by people from my past and current life.
So, Twitter is my sounding board and Fakebook (yes, I’ve dubbed it that) is only the “nice” things. There’s no right or wrong to it and how you post it. Your life, your words, your choice. Just remember that there’s a consequence to everything you post.
In many ways, I think a lot of what we choose to project depends also on who we are and our standing in society. Because of what I do, I choose not to share indiscriminately or much of anything of consequence. Then again, its also a personal thing. I chose to leave Facebook because I did not like the sharing and the intrusions from people I did not care for. Everything has their consequences. It’s just that some people think they’re invincible.
I for myself aren’t afraid to tell the world that I’m down in the dumps. To me we all have emotions and sometimes we feel uncertain about ourselves. Why project something artificial when we can project our raw and real emotions?
That’s just my two cents though
Nothing wrong with that either, Evan, if people you are on your social media profiles know where you’re coming from 🙂
i am only sure if i am being ‘real’ on social media, but i prefer not to overshare personal information nor whine about work online, having said that, i am actually glad to have some friends who show their true self online. LOL
I know for myself that I won’t share very much online because its just my nature, but then, it would seem that there are people who are happy to bare their souls online, and perhaps that’s just their way too 😉
Hey Paris, I’ve actually always had an opinion about this, but never thought I’m important enough to share in a way. Glad you brought it up!
I definitely share more on social media channels, because there are things that I want to share but aren’t important/related enough to be included in a blog post. My heart always goes out to fellow bloggers who are having a bad day, but at the same time I think it is important to keep negative emotions in check. Sure, nobody’s life is perfect 24/7 and 7/7, but there is no need to spit venom. When I’m feeling really bad I just get off Twitter, because I don’t want to radiate negative energy. Think about this: how many people in your real life can understand where you’re coming from if you call them in the middle of the night and scream “that woman is a b*?” Not that many. So what can you reasonably expect from God knows whoever is following you on Twitter, especially when you have to explain the whole situation with 140 characters? Not much.
I think it’s about choosing how to share as much as it’s about choosing what to share. There is a big difference between being sad/upset/down and spiteful/snarky/unpleasant.
Hey Sunny, glad I’m not alone in thinking about this! You’re right about drawing the line between just sharing about a bad day and negative thoughts. The former is probably fine but I think its always safer to turn off when the negative thoughts bubble up because we don’t know who’s reading and we don’t know how many people will take things the wrong way. A lot of nuances are lost in 140 letters 🙂
Hi Paris! So glad you wrote a post about this. I do admit I often feel a tinge of jealousy or envy when i browse through blogs. I try not to let it get to me because everyone is different and circumstances are vast. However, I know often times what we see on the social media platforms aren’t really who they are, such as how celebrities want us to perceive them. Glad to have to read your post and know your thoughts 😀
Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed this topic 🙂 I like your analogy with celebrities. In many ways, i think we could learn a thing or two from them. Some of us don’t mind baring all, some of us prefer to hold something back and just talk about the good things. I think generally, envy and jealousy is a very real feeling, but its up to us how we deal with it, and also to understand that we just don’t know what goes on behind the scenes 🙂
Love this post. I definitely portray a “happier” side of me on Twitter and Facebook and keep the negative bits to a minimum. There’s only so much of ranting and whinging by Debbie Downers I can take on social media, which is why I don’t do that on my own social media platforms as well lest it annoys the followers (like it would for me). Who wants to read so much negativity from just one person most of the time?
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with showing just one side of you on the Internet. It’s so damn public that at the end of the day, I just want to keep the personal side of me to me and not share it across the board with so many people. When I’m sad or angry, I confide in my family and close friends. I don’t show it on Twitter or Facebook and certainly not on the blog.
I do pretty much what you do for pretty much the same reasons 🙂 I think social media is just a facet of ourselves. The same way that many of us show different faces to different people for different reasons, its the same way we portray ourselves on the Internet. You’re right. If we really are sad or angry, talk to someone. The Internet isn’t the place to take anger and vitriol.
I agree with Sunny wholeheartedly. I also know for sure there are people out there who love to know everything. You’re only real if you’re going through a shitty day just like anyone else, and announce it to the whole world. I myself get turned off if there are only rants and complaints on social media. I will unfollow that person soon after. Furthermore, how real is real? You probably can’t tell if the person standing in front of you is being real to you or just choosing to show you what he wants you to perceive of him.
So, I say let’s take everything with a pinch of salt, and if that blogger or whoeveritis isn’t your style, real or fake, you can always unfollow or unfriend or unlike. It’s only social media after all. As for me, I prefer to keep it positive and my personal life as private as I want it to be 😛
I’m the same, Lily. If I keep reading a lot of negativity and whining I tend to unfollow. No point having my timeline inundated when I treat my social media as a fun outlet 🙂
I have always considered social media specifically Facebook overrated. It is a good thing that I do not access FB often and only post pictures of holidays that I have taken on it. I remember I did go through a time of envy looking at the lives of other friends on FB because as human beings, we just cannot help but compare. I had to emphasised to a friend lets call her Ms. A many times that the status messages, holiday photos, work photos, etc of Ms. B (whom she likes to compare her life with) does not relay what Ms. B actually goes through in life. Since I see Ms. B often and know what she actually goes through, I can understand that what Ms. B posted on FB is due to her boisterous personality but I also know of the many difficult moments that Ms. B goes through in her life which Ms. A is not aware of. So much so that Ms. B recently told off Ms. A for thinking her life on FB is real and perfect. Sorry for the long post but just wanted to share how some people could still continue to compare their life to other friends on FB and actually feel down about it without counting the many blessings in their own lives.
haha i also do not check fb often. when i do envy friends (we are only human), i try to snap out of it asap. there’s always going to be someone better than us, so why waste time envying.
for all you know, Ms. A is luckier than Ms. B overall … because of what Ms. B had to go thro – the difficult moments.
I think you just described the classic case of Facebook envy, Victoria! I now exactly what you mean and its so hard sometimes to look behind all the wonderful things and see just how people got there. The “problem” with being on social media so much, especially pictorial ones like Instagram or Facebook, is that it can breed jealousy and feelings of inadequateness and that puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on people to ‘keep up’. As you have correctly pointed out, what we should do is be thankful for what we have, and aim to get something more if its within our capability to do so, but if we don’t, we aren’t failures just because someone else has 🙂
true.. most of the time i share positive news only as i think that will bring more positive energy to myself and also my friends. but the negative part of doing this is some ppl might think that i get everything too easy or showing off what i have. anyway, we cannot control what other think about ourselves right? either keep it to urself or share it moderately, not too much till a “showing off” state.
Pros and cons, right Jean? We think we’re just reliving and sharing the good things but then it looks like we’re showing off. Just can’t win can we? 🙁
Welp, social media exist because people want to share their experiences, and certainly enough, no one wants to share their downs for various reasons. Of course, if you complain all the time, then you’d be perceived as being attention-seeking, or worse, an attention-seeking broken record.
I think that it is up to the reader/audience to decide if a persona is being real or that he/she is putting up an act. Some people just tune into certain channels that speak to them, so it’s all in the eye of the beholder. Heh heh.
As a blogger, I’d like to keep a certain balance of things. I tell myself that I’d write about stuff that I love to read, so yeah, I try to update on areas of my life that I’d want to know from others. ^.^
I actually personally think no one is ‘real’ whether on social media or even in real life. Everyone has a face they show to different aspects of society – family, close friends, colleagues, acquaintances – its how consistent we are in our behavior that is ‘real’ 🙂
i donno if i read some earlier post on your blog itself but i guess i read it here only and you mentioned in that post that how do you like to post product reviews on the blog – only the products which work for you or all of them which don’t!! and then you mentioned about some other blogger who used to post only good things on her blog because she wanted it to be a happy place! i guess its the same with socializing! when you whine and cry in public, its like you are making a scene of yourself and you get projected as such and if you keep a happy face, its like your life is a ride which everyone wants to take so i guess its all about perception and socially i would say its always better to keep a happy face so that you do not make someone else unhappy!!! these things are infectitious 🙂
You’re, right, Swati. That was me in an earlier post 🙂 for blogs, unless one has a personal blog, talking about happy things makes us happier and spreads the happiness to whoever reads our blogs. I think its the same when we share on our social media profiles. As you said, if we keep things happy, people feel happy ‘knowing’us and we have the luxury of shutting off if we feel unhappy, and talk personally to friends or family 🙂
I think the main issue is that we are all human andwith that comes flws and frailties. The fear is that we might start to believe that everyone else’s life are perfect and make us feel bad about our own. I tend not to share much on social media because I know somewhere one of my followers will be thinking “I wish my life was like that. What’s wrong with ME”. It’s great when your sharing with people you know in real life, it just gets scary when people are building an image and a brand that basically consists of followers saying ” I wish I was like you”. I think share the good stuff but don’t pretend the bad stuff doesn’t happen to you too 🙂
You’re absolutely right, Ali 🙂 I like what you said that its scary when people following start wishing they were like you, without knowing what else goes on in a person’s life. People should learn also to be thankful for what they have, and not just keep wanting to be like anyone else. It’s the whole celebrity culture on a minor scale.
Totally agree with your post. I post both happy and limited unhappy stuffs on Facebook. Limited unhappy stuffs because I have my bosses and colleagues on my Facebook, so spelling work disaster may be a career limiting or ending move. I noticed people then to resonate and like/comment on my happy posts. Perhaps it is easier to “like” my manicure or shoes than to “comment” on my bad day or empty soul. I recalled at one point in time, I was hooked to Facebook, literally on it for most waking hours. Then it devoured me and turned me into a sad and bitter person – as you rightfully said, Wow another holiday?, Oh, such big bling bling, Party queen, Branded goods, etc. I looked at my profile and had none of those and felt lesser than those on my Facebook. Then I realized, some people lead a different live on social media. These day, I only check Facebook because most of my close friends post their lives there lol and of course, to check your posts 🙂 These are more therapeutic.
Smart of you to be aware that spilling your guts out on FB could affect your career. So many people have lost jobs because of that yet people never learn 🙁 I never fell into the FB trap because I withdrew from FB when people from the past I didn’t care about wanted to be ‘friends’ but I’m on the pictorial Instagram and its about the same lol “Why them, not me?” 😛 But then, I think, hey, I’m not doing too badly so why envy others for something that I may not be all that keen on anyway?! And then I feel a lot better 🙂
I totally agree. Very often looking through instagram some people seem to have perfect life, full of goods and travels. Yeah they are lucky but theres other side too which they dont show.
On facebook I post very rarely, mostly when something important to me happened or I was travelling somewhere. I dont post anything from everyday simple life, I dont think its interesting 😛 On instagram I mostly post things which make me happy or which look beautiful. It may seem materialistic and snobbish but yeah, I appreciate beautiful things and like to make them too… 🙂
I don’t think it materialistic and snobbish to share what you love on IG. Isn’t it what it’s for? 😉 but it can also showcase a side of people that are more material, I realise. Or the wannabe photographers lol! 😛
I would say it’s 50/50! Because I’m wary to share too much info on social media… I tend to post about the ‘general’ stuff I do not giving too much information! But that 50% is definitely 100% real me !
An Nikki you’re about as bubbly on SM as you are in real life so I know its all you! 🙂
Another great, insightful post, Paris. I think that’s true – we edit ourselves. But I think we edit ourselves all the time, to shape others views of ourselves, yes, but also to shape ourselves. I do think it’s true that it’s easier with social media – easier to shape our online presence and persona!
Thanks Larie! Personally I see nothing wrong with it, because I don’t think any is ever truly themselves even in real life. We wear different faces in different company, and social media isn’t much different 😉
I always see myself as one and the same whether online or in real life. I do post about times I am frustrated, angry, or sad on my Facebook. Don’t mind people knowing that – my life is not a bed of roses.
I am busy as hell, tired like a dog, and people know it. But people also know I am happy, and satisfied with who I am and where I am now. I choose to be here, and I think I should rightfully pay for it with my effort.
I think there is no point painting a nicer picture than I’ve got.
It’s kind of sad, I feel, living in misery perhaps, if one has to put on a smiley face for strangers who read one’s social media, strangers who don’t really care… …
It’s important that the people on your social media profile know who you are and what you go through, because as some people have said, its not easy for a stranger coming on a profile and seeing a lot of unhappy updates. I don’t think it sad, but its just a facet of a person they prefer to show on a platform. I don’t personally believe that anyone is truly ‘real’ but then, I could of course, be wholly mistaken 😉
Social media is an efficient tool to get messages across to many people. But using it to reveal too much personal life is dangerous. Sometimes photos taken with mobile phones are automatically tagged with a GPS location and people may make use of it in a bad way. A story I heard is that a FB user (she’s more than 50 yrs old and learning how to use FB) posted a photo of her house and updated in her status that she’s going away for a holiday for X days. When she came back, her house was robbed… There are too many security reasons in the privacy settings which not many people bother or know how to change.
As we leave digital fingerprints all over the internet, we never know if a piece of info shared may come back to haunt us in the future. Therefore, it is better to share only info that you don’t mind to be in the public. After all, these “fingerprints” are like black and white proof, aren’t they?
On another note, it takes time to get to know a person. You need to voice chat (nowadays chat can mean instant messages…) with this person, meet up or attend activities together. There is no short cut. Like some people have 1000 over friends in their FB contacts… how many of these are real friends? And of course, when you want to get to know a person by looking at his or her social media and all you see are complaints, negative thoughts etc… it already projects a bad impression to you isn’t it? We should not use social media as an outlet for our unhappiness. There are other ways to deal with that (e.g. by having coffee with close friends to confide in each other etc).
Yikes! The danger of posting too much personal information online is definitely there and the problem is, so few people realise that! They check in everywhere they go, even at banks I’ve seen and its just off the scale of silly things to do. Also, as you have pointed out, few people actually know everyone in their social media profile. In my case, because I keep an open profile for blog purposes, I barely know 20 of them face to face. This is the real reason I pick and choose what to highlight – not because I want to be just smiley smiley all the time, but because you also never know who’s watching!
Hi Paris! Ever heard of \”FOMO\”? I got hooked on facebook during its early days in 2005 and quickly realised you can burn up the hours just obsessing over other people\’s \’amazing\’ lives instead of living your own. Check out: http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/is-fomo-depriving-us-of-our-ability-to-exist-in-the-present-and-take-pleasure-in-the-here-and-now-8449677.html
Projection becomes a never-ending cycle in social media because society has changed (not necessarily for the better) from being community-immersive to urban isolation.
I’d never come across FOMO before this, but thank you for linking me. That was very enlightening and very true! I was a bit addicted to twitter a while ago, but I’ve consciously scaled back and removed myself from it now. In many ways, we’re now more social while being anti-social. A reflection of our times, and as you said, not for the better.
Love these thought-provoking posts, Paris! I like to keep my social media feeds mostly positive. Why? Because I find those who whine a lot are SO annoying. I mean, one rant every now and then is fine and normal, but when it becomes the norm, it gets old very quickly.
I do edit myself a lot on Twitter. Sometimes I even start writing a tweet and then cancel it. 🙂
Haha Arianne, I’ve done the same write then edit thing on twitter too! Sometimes I want to go in a rant fest but its probably not what people who are following you intend to see, and if I see too much ranting on a person’s timeline, I feel put off too. It’s so depressing, seeing so much negativity.