(Note: This post isn’t remotely beauty related in any way (could be women related though) so if you feel it isn’t relevant to you in one way or another, you may want to skip it or read something from the archives that is. A beauty related post may come up later if I feel up to it.)
Yesterday, while walking in the city after lunch, I came across an incident that left me sobered in many ways.
Walking towards me on the narrow pavement were 3 guys who, at first impression, I thought were just guys joshing around, pushing each other back and forth. But some instinct made me stop in my tracks and observe the situation further, and that was when I noticed that it wasn’t mere joshing around, but there was some sort of struggle going on. Of the 3, one was holding one of them in a chokehold, while the other was roughing him up and slapping him around. I was in a bit of a dilemma at that point. Instinct and everything moral you have ever been taught tells you that you should step in and help. Self-preservation warned me to not even think about it.
I wanted to move forward but it would mean having to pass them and I didn’t want that. So I decided to brave the traffic, and stepped out on to the road, sticking to the side. Walking past quickly, the guy being beaten up looked up at me, bleeding and asked for help.
But I couldn’t say or do anything, just walked on, promising myself that I’d get to the police. There was a police van or booth not 50m away. I would get help. But by the time I got to the end of the short pavement, the police were already running out towards the incident. Someone else had reported it and they were on the case. But by this time, the 2 guys had run off, leaving the victim behind. Perhaps the growing crowd forced them to stop and leave.
But either way, the incident left me with a heavy heart and an all round feeling of helplessness.
Not getting involved was probably the right thing to do. The aggressors were 2 rough looking characters. I was with a friend but we aren’t trained to help people in these situations and as I told myself thereafter, I’m not hero material. If it was a movie, I woud have been cast as “Curious Bystander #2” not in the starring role of “Glamorous Heroine trained in martial arts” Getting involved would have put myself and my friend in danger.
Yet with every moral fibre of your being, you know that you should help. Or do something to help. It is “the right thing to do”. Witnessing physical violence of that nature outside of a movie screen is numbing and surreal. Having someone beseech your help is equally, if not more surreal and unsettling.
On the other hand, the first rule of personal safety is not to put yourself in a situation where you may endanger your own life. You, as a passerby, do not know the history of the quarrel. Was it a quarrel? Was it a fight? Did the victim steal from the other 2? Was it just a random mugging? It was in broad daylight along a busy road in a busy part of town. What prompted it?
All I know is that it has left me feeling unsettled and not a little doubtful and selfish. Righteous little me always thought that the noble thing to do in a circumstance like this is to help the victim. But when push came to shove, I couldn’t, wouldn’t and didn’t.
It was also sobering to know that if the victim was me, similarly, no one may help too. I do not believe that its just a reflection of society here, but is liable to be seen in cities everywhere.
Is there a moral behind this story? I don’t know. Can you find one?
Have you found yourself in a similar situation, and if so, what did you do? What would you have done?
Stay safe and thanks for indulging me so I can get this off my chest.
Paris B
Note: Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts in the comments. I will not be replying each individual comment as there isn’t much for me to add. I trust we will all do what’s best for ourselves and any victim given the right set of circumstances. It was insightful reading so thank you for sharing 🙂 xx
You did the right thing. As much as your human instinct wants to help, help to stop the bullier will not gonna help you either. They might drag u and beat you up together with guy. Sometimes courage needs a little bit of common sense. But if i were the guy who got punched, i would appreciate it if someone gets a police or if anyone who dare to intervene, they had to be a group of men too.
Just be reminded that there are things out of our control. When unfortunate things like that happens and unfortunately you were there to witness it. We cannot do much and we just have to move on with life.
I’ve often thought about this kind of things.
I think you did the right thing, getting in the situation would have cause you harm.
Wanting to help is a human instinct but, in this case, not helping or helping calling the police is probably the wisest thing to do.
I hope the victim is now safe.
i have witnessed many school fights but none on the roads but frankly, I would have been too afraid to react!!! yes, real life is not like on screen that the person is trained and can defend themselves and the victim. looks like those 2 rough guys were harassing this guy but one can’t really be sure of anything!!! anyway, those guys ran away and that’s bad.
Hi Paris
i think u did the right thing, after all we are just women, and there are 2 rough guys, there is not much to do & it will be dangerous to intervene ..at least u did try to get to the police booth which to me u have done ur best to help..we are living in a dangerous world, sad but true..and it is an even more dangerous place for women(esp the recent attempted kidnapped case at the Curve)..so we just need to be mindful of our own safety as well..so don’t feel too bad abt it
Golly gosh! How scary!!! But i would have done the same in your situation. Easy to endanger your own life by trying to stop the fight. Wish I had superhero powers!
Hey Paris, glad that you’re ok and sorry to learn about your shocking experience 🙁 For the past few weeks or so, we’ve read about so many kidnapping and robbery cases that it was seriously ringing some kind of alarm that that it’s really not safe at all out there! And it has gotten so blatant that we see it with our own eyes of such brutality on the streets.
I think you did the right thing, as many readers have commented the same – we’re women and those men are definitely much stronger than us. Furthermore, I am sad to say that sometimes being good Samaritan may backfire. We have the good intention and conscience but by walking away, sometimes that’s the best thing to do.
I was robbed earlier this year at the open air parking near KLCC. Despite my car alarm going off with 2 men robbers coming close to me, no one came to my rescue. I would have hoped that someone would come close enough so those men will get scared and go away, that’s all that I ever wanted…After that, I asked myself – if the reverse had happened, what would I have done? Sigh, I guess I would have walked away too 🙁
What a horrible incident Jennifer.. This sort of events really scar people for life.
🙁
Hi Karmen,
Yeah, it was terrifying and I was traumatized for a few weeks after the incident and to this day, when my car alarm goes off, I will panic and get flashbacks as well. Just need to be extra vigilant these days.
I’m sorry you were put in such a horrible situation, but I think you did the right thing too. If I were in a situation like that, my instinct would tell me to step in and help, but still I’d probably walk a bit further on and call the police. After all, you never know how the situation may evolve and you may get hurt too if you try to help.
I hope the victim is safe now.
Hi Paris,
This is definitely thought provoking. Thanks for sharing.
Where got time to think so much? Just run the other way and scream for help!
But I have heard of worst. A girl found that there was a peeping Tom peeping at her while she is in the toilet. She SMS her guy friend to ask what she should do. The guy replied to say call the police. She replied him that it was non practical advice.
Oh gosh.
Hey Paris,
It was a tough call and I’ll be honest, I would have the done the same with the same intention on getting help too. It was lucky the police had already come to help him.
You’re talking about confronting two guys working in a team against the victim. I feel very strongly, should you have helped, you would have endangered yourself. This can happen anywhere in the world, even in the safest of countries. Ignore the laws or crime rates, given any similar circumstances, it’s you at the end of the day against two guys who are in attack mode.
I do wish I would have the courage to do something at the scene itself but yea, I would have done the same.
Hope you feel better. It’s a rotten feeling 🙁
How awful – it is scary, but remember that you were outnumbered and could have been hurt yourself. In this day and age, calling for help is wise in my opinion.
I’ve seen times when helpers have been hurt badly. You were going to the police box, you were doing the right thing.
I’ll do the same thing as well.ask help from police would be the best idea.btw,I don’t think seeing someone get beaten will be worst than seeing a thief inside your house when alone.I’ll never forget how scared am I at that moment..
There come times in our life, when we least expect it, we are tested. I am no expert, but having lived a while longer than you, I have had plenty of time and situations to reflect on this.
When we are tested, all that is required of us is to make a choice. In fact, life is one big choice, won’t you say? During the test, the choices that we make becomes the focus, more so than normal. And the choices we make should/would make a difference to us – perhaps because the lesson learned often leaves a deep impact within us- regret, remorse, depression, ecstatic, jubilant, peaceful…
When you came across those people, you were being tested. The entire focus was on how you would react to the situation. You chose, rightfully or wrongfully to walk away. Which ever way is OK. We are all different, we all react differently. Some of us will try to help, some of us will be too frightened to do anything, let alone walk away calmly as you did. What ever the reaction, no one would or should judge.
But now comes the big question. How did you feel about it. I think you are feeling very disappointed with yourself, you think you should have helped. You judge yourself.
Now be kind to yourself.
Drawing from my own life experiences, I believe that when tests like these comes along, there is only one lesson I need to understand. That as a human being; man or woman, we are weak, we are helpless and without the compassion of our creator, we are unable to do anything. And this lesson comes again and again through out our lives as a reminder. Especially when we feel so full of ourselves, when we forget that there are others not as well off or comfortable as we are, when we are so busy with life.
As humans, bestowed the gift of thinking, we are not expected to lay down and admit defeat. The impact from the experience usually motivates us to do something good and positive- don’t loose that. Contributing something positive is not limited to only helping those in immediate distress. We have a choice to make a difference in other situations.
I sound like I am preaching but believe me, what I write here is more of a reminder to me than a lesson shared with you. It is a reminder that life is not all about me. It is a reminder to give back to the society; of which I have been quite slack of late.
It is a reminder that my creator has been so kind and giving to me. I have a great job I love, and the fringe benefits that comes with that, surrounded by loving family and friends, health, all the make up I want… it is time to give back.
You didn’t do anything wrong and I hope you are over the shock of having to witness such an incident.
It may sound selfish but the reality is that if we can’t take care of ourselves, we can’t help others. Eg the plane announcements that if the oxygen masks drop, you must attend to yourself first before attending to others in your care.
Take care.
Wow, that must have been so scary! I definitely think you did the right thing by not intervening. I made the mistake of doing that once and I got a black eye for my troubles (no seriously). I think quickly leaving and contacting police asap is the way to go.
It’s never an easy position to be in. But I think every circumstance is different, so I guess it depends. We will always have a part of us that would want to help, but it’s also really important to make sure you aren’t putting yourself in harm’s way. In your case, you did what you could.. go to the nearest police station and try to get help.
I am a 51 year old woman who got beaten up by a man (not mine!) I screamed to phone the police but nobody did so. A friend from the next door bar came to my rescue. The only thing I remember is the other people watching and not doing anything not even phone the police.
I hope I will never stoop so low.