As much as I’d like to tell you that the beauty blogging community is friendly and welcoming and that we sit round a campfire, holding hands and singing kumbaya (some of which is true) the truth is, there is also ugliness behind it all that I think is worth talking about. Be warned and all that.
No one will talk about it. It’s always about how much fun it is. But then, you’ve come to expect this of me, haven’t you? 😉
I’ve experienced them all at one point or another, so I’m not talking through my hat. Almost 7 years of blogging brings you a wealth of experience that isn’t always wonderful. Yet, I can say that it has been educational for me to observe social behaviour and to see that stereotypical or not, having a group of women together isn’t always a good thing.
So, you could be a new blogger or you could be an experienced “old-timer” but I’m sure you will, at some point have thought about, or noticed or experienced one of these ugliness in beauty blogging. So, share if you will, or don’t if you’d prefer not to. Just don’t kid yourself that it isn’t happening 😉
Jealousy and Envy
2 sides of the same coin. Sometimes, that feeling of jealousy or envy could be felt by you as you see other bloggers’ meteoric rise while you stagnate. Or it could be the other way around. You may be the target of others’ jealousy and envy because you have something they did not. This is the ugliest side of beauty blogging I’ve had the privilege to see, and it is truly the root of all ugliness. Every other negative experience will come down to this. But it’s a fact so let’s deal with it.
How do you deal with it? If jealousy is felt by you, stamp on it. Grasp it by its horns and headbutt it because it will only hold you back. Instead of feeling envious and jealous, do something about it. Improve yourself, recognise your strengths and play on those. If you are the butt of others’ jealousy, there’s nothing you can do but just go on being awesome 😉
Cattiness / Bitchiness
Fact is the beauty blogging industry is dominated by women. Put a bunch of women together and be prepared to face cattiness and bitchiness. Feeling a little holier than thou? Don’t. No one is a saint, and admit it, at one point or another, you too would have been catty and bitchy. Perhaps someone else got an opportunity you wanted, or they were at an event you weren’t invited to, or they have more followers/fans/groupies than you do. Catfights abound, if you look for it.
How do you deal with it? Can you keep up? Are you able to appear at every event, to churn out a blog post immediately after the event, to show yourself having So. Much. Fun? If you can do all that, do it. Get yourself out there instead of being catty and whiny and bitchy. If you can’t, do what you can within your capabilities. Oh and don’t follow people who make you feel inadequate and unhappy 😛 If you have friends you can talk to, do. It helps to get it out of the system. Oh and don’t start a catfight. You bring yourself down to the lowest level and no one respects it at all. Till today, when I see a certain someone, all I can think of is the catfight she started, rallying her “followers” to support her cause. Big blogger now, but in my eyes, always the smallest and lowest of the low.
Feeling ostracized or that you don’t fit in
If you try to fit in, whether online or in a real life event, and then feel like you stand out like a sore thumb, join the club. Sometimes, I feel almost too old to be joining in the frivolities and being talked down to because bloggers are perceived to be young and pretty 20-somethings doesn’t help. Sometimes (and this is the truth) people ostracize others purpose to suit their nefarious means. It’s a fact of life, it happens everywhere whether you are a blogger or not.
How do you deal with it? People naturally gravitate towards like minds. That’s how I view it. So, find someone with a like mind. At the end of the day, if you are thrust into a social setting with other bloggers who you don’t feel comfortable with, treat it as a job. Be pleasant, be polite, do your job and get out. You don’t have to be friends with everyone if you don’t want to. Fact.
Pressure to conform
Look around and it almost feels like being a beauty blogger means you are predisposed to like pink, pastels, artistic arrangements of beauty products on instagram, “Face Of The Day” looks and blabbing about beauty at every opportunity. It feels like you have to be part of a network or a group. Ever feel that pressure to conform? Nope, you aren’t alone. At some point, I had doubts – should I infuse my site with baby blue and powder pink? Should I at least try to Tweet SOMETHING about beauty? But you know what? It wasn’t me. I hate pink. I hate pastels. I guess, I’m just not your day-to-day beauty blogger. Cute things turn me off. Practical ones turn me on. The pressure to conform is always there and you don’t have to dye your hair blonde to buck the trend (Oh wait, that’s just conforming. NOT dyeing your hair – now that’s bucking the trend!) but you can always stand out as an individual.
How do you deal with it? Don’t do it. This is the reason I keep my Twitter and Instagram accounts personal. Paris B is me. My Women Stuff is my blog. So, Twitter and IG are me and this allows me to not conform, and to be an individual, so say and do things as me, myself and I. It allows me a lot more leeway than I ever thought possible and for that, I’m glad I never merged them all into my blog. Joining a network can be beneficial, but be sure you aren’t being taken advantaged of. Most networks out there have an ulterior motive, so if you have to blog something for a CHANCE at a prize, it’s for their benefit, not yours.
Selfishness and One-upmanship
People are selfish. Again, it’s a fact. If they can keep everything to themselves, they would and that includes information. Quite an irony considering that blogging is a social activity. Locally, I do see this a lot. No one seems to share anything in this community, be it a ReTweet on Twitter or Facebook share. If it’s info they want, they’ll just take it and blog about it like it was theirs all along (see next point). The international community is a little more caring in this respect. I see more camaraderie, warmth and generosity (not always, but it is a little more developed). It might boil down to the concept of one-upmanship or what locally, we have a term for – kiasu. Kiasu-ism (lit. fear of dying) would dictate people take and not give or someone might be more favoured. Learn and not share lest someone else get ahead. Do a giveaway? I’ll do one too – bigger and better. Write a product review? I’ll do one too – with more photos, more editing, I’ll look better! Bah.
How do you deal with it? Find your niche. I like to tell myself that blogging has no geographical boundaries. Sure, being noticed locally is a nice thing, but at this stage, I’d much rather have the camaraderie of a community. If I can’t get it here, I’ll just have to look elsewhere. Being eyed up competitively, or not having information or releases shared with you, or just not being appreciated will hurt, and it frustrates, especially if you want to see the community grow. But if you’ve done all you can and yet people choose to pit themselves against you, holding back, being selfish and kiasu, there’s nothing more you can do. Blogging isn’t a competition! Share! Everyone benefits.
Copycats
There are obvious copycats who steal photographs and plagiarise, and there are the subtle copycats. The ones who do something similar to you, buy something after you, source something when you mention it, style their blog after you. Some people have perfected it to such a subtle art, you find it hard to catch them at it. Sometimes you think “Darn, I am just sensitive” but when a friend points it out, that’s when it grates. You’re not just being sensitive, you are being copied. I’ve seen it in 2 different blogs that are so similar, targeting such similar niches that sometimes I do a double take.
How do you deal with it? If it is outright plagiarism or a photograph that’s stolen, take it up directly with the person or report it. If it is the latter, more subtle copycat then you can’t do anything about it without looking like a sensitive git. So, take it as a challenge to level up, to move ahead and forward. Imitation is never the best form of flattery, but if you have no other choice, then be flattered someone thought highly enough of you to be a Single White Female 😛
Unpleasant and rude people and comments
Oh yes. Unpleasant/rude people are out there. I don’t mean people who may feel uncomfortable or gauche. Heaven knows, I’m often the same. I mean those who don’t even know you but will twist themselves into a pretzel so they don’t have to sit facing you. Oh yeah. Amused me to no end. I wasn’t the uncomfortable one there! As for comments, it also happens. I just got one recently calling me an idiot. Limited vocabulary, that one.
How do you deal with it? With comments, read this. I just hit the delete button. With people, I accept that not everyone will like you for whatever reason they may have, and similarly, I don’t like everyone either. To say I do is to lie through my teeth. If the other person is rude, then get out of the situation. There’s no need to stand for it. Or be like me and smile bemusedly at the human pretzel.
Have you experienced the ugly side of beauty blogging, or blogging in general?
The truth is that it is out there. The ugliness, the fakery, the feeling like you’re back in high school. How you deal with it separates the men from the boys, the women from the girls, the professionals from the amateurs. So yes, ugliness is out there, but so is a lot of beauty. Friendships are made on Twitter, through our blogs and there are times when we DO sit around singing Kumbaya. That makes it worth the while. Welcome to the real world of blogging 🙂
Paris B
Simple Blogging Tips are some simple tips I have for fellow bloggers, based on my own experiences. I’m no ‘guru’ but I hope they will help you. You may read up on previous Simple Blogging Tips here or please feel free to ask your question in the comment box or in email.
Jyoan says
Wow! Didn’t know there is so much going on. I feel so sheltered. Or maybe, I am just frog in a well. Haha. But I don’t experience all these. I just don’t let myself into these, to me, it is like, you have, good for you, that’s your business. I will go about what I like to do as usual. No point being jealous. I believe in hard work and rewards for hard work, and I have been through quite a bit of hard work in life to understand that if one has what one has, it must be the sheer amount of effort put in.
Other than that, I guess my little blog and community is just way too small for me to experience any of what you are saying. I don’t get invited to events and I never get samples, but I don’t need any of that! Haha, I have far too much just by my own shopping, for me to feel anything towards those. Besides, I don’t have the time for events, and I don’t wish my blog to be some Temptalia number 2. I just do this because I love the stuff I talk about, and it does not matters how many or who reads. Those who read my blog also love the stuff I talk about, and this is enough for me. 🙂
Paris B says
Haha yes, there is a lot going on out there. I like observing the social psyche. It’s incredibly entertaining 😛 Then again, I suppose a lot of this matters to those who take things (and themselves) too seriously so they feel a certain sense of entitlement, which makes them behave the way they do. Knowing yourself and being comfortable with yourself and enjoying what you do means you never have to experience it and that is something you must have already identified – good on you! 🙂
makeupmag says
Unerring in your observations and sound advice on how to face these issues. 🙂
Paris B says
Oh you and I need to have that eating session soon, Mag! 😀
Cece says
I like your picture with the copycat caption ????
Paris B says
Haha! That was so apt wasn’t it? 😀
Juan says
love this post!
when I was blogging on my personal life I did get many mean comments on my posts. with my review blog so far have not gotten any. yet. I guess I’m just too plain & uncompetitive for anyone to take notice…
meanwhile, u keep up your good work 🙂
Paris B says
You know Juan, I think personal blogging brings out the worst in commentators. Seriously, they are all experts in how to do things, it seems. Tsk! And thank you, not plain but maybe not as competitive as some others because we have our life priorities 😉
Sabrina Tajudin says
This is somewhat an amazing post. truly indeed although i have only blogging for 2 plus year. i can still say im pretty much new to all things around me. i somehow have experience some situation above. people always say “you are so lucky”. oh well, should i just tell them everything i went through? surely no. so jet smile right. and meeting new people and lots of type of people. truly makes you more mature and teach you to learn something new and handle your emotions. its pretty much yourself. either you want it to be negative or positive. 🙂
Paris B says
Hi Sabrina, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! It’s a pity you had to experience any of this because I don’t wish it on anyone haha! Oh and yes, people outside looking in always only see the good things don’t they? To them, everyone out there is “lucky” but in many cases, we make our own luck. All the best in your blogging 🙂
Syahira Sharif says
I blog about books all the time but my blog is branched from goodreads with occasional event posts. I only had a hard time with authors trying to gain sympathy from my negative reviews…. they really use weird phrasing about how I’m attacking their soul or something. I usually review with a bit professional decorum, I tend to avoid pointless snark but sometimes I always use sarcasm with negative reviews. Its far more damaging for YA readers than folks like me. A lot other reviewers receive the hard end from authors themselves. Imagine product people calling you bitch for not liking their product.
Paris B says
Hi Syahira – you know what? You’re only the 2nd book blogger I “know”! Now that’s an interesting niche to be in 🙂 As for having negativity directed at you for not liking something, it always puzzles me. How or why do some people offer themselves up for a review in the first place? And if you can’t help it and someone buys it and hates it, I think they should be entitled to say so. After all, you can’t please everyone out there but people calling reviewers a bitch just coz they don’t like it? Jeez, grow up 😛 That said, I haven’t yet been called a bitch because I didn’t like something, but I’ve had a company write me an essay pointing out why I’m wrong in not liking it. Another one was harsh because I didn’t like a product she had come up with (which wasn’t original anyway). I guess you can’t please everyone but so long as you’ve acted with integrity and in good faith, your conscience will be clear 🙂
Syahira Sharif says
Currently its gotten worse with the reviewing community (a self-pub author misread a shelf name and mistook it for a death threat and suddenly it took up on Salon.com article and a famous self pub writer took the mob and suddenly a lot of reviewers got backlashed by the dramas). I blame the Amazon acquisition on Goodreads but then I get to expand my own reviewing reach with other sites. (mostly, I can get free books :P)
Then again, if they expect honest review, they should have been aware of the possibility of negative reviews and a person’s honest opinion on it. What annoying about the whole Author vs Reviewers was the amount of betrayal on author’s part since reviewers are also their readers circle and it does damage their possible future sales reputation too.
Paris B says
Wow I didn’t know books could incite so much drama! :O Thanks for enlightening me – it looks like no niche is without its own drama eh? I can only imagine though that an author could take offence to a perceived insult to their work but I’d expect them to handle it better if they want to progress anywhere in life. As you have said, the reviewers are their readers after all and they will have their own influence. What is an author without readers or anyone buying their books eh?
Syahira Sharif says
true. well as they did said : bad publicity is a good publicity.
Paris B says
That’s true! For some, any publicity is better than none
Larie says
Bravo again, Paris, for speaking your mind and bringing up ugly topics! I think you put out a good discussion.
Paris B says
Thank you Larie 😀
Sevinj says
yeah it’s true but it is not only about beauty blogging.it happens frequently in social life too because of we women???? of course.i think jealous is hidden in every womens’ heart some women have much and some have a little but it exits there and from this comes bad comments or remarks that are impolite.soo never mind those in social or anti-social life. it just means you are better than them. i too have taken my lesson and never get upset or even respond rudely.being polite and patient is enough and nothing annoys them much more,yeah?????
Paris B says
You’re absolutely right, Sevinj. What we have done is transposed what happens socially into our blogs. Not always a good thing in this instance 🙂 It’s good to know you’ve worked out how to handle difficult issues and people. It’s hard to be at the receiving end but when you can’t do anything about it, the best thing to do is to just be polite. Totally messes with their minds LOL!
Jennifer says
Good insight and thank you for sharing. It happens everywhere isn’t it? Blogging, office, family, friendship (sometimes). It can be hard to handle these sort of situation, the anguish and web of deceit among others. I like your thoughts. In any case, I am learning to stand tall and always strive to remain classy even in the most catty fights ever.
Paris B says
That it does, sadly enough, Jennifer! The world would be a much better place if we all just got along but it doesn’t happen 🙁 You have the right mindset. Stay classy. Pisses off those trying to bring you down 😉
HapaGirl says
What an insightful and well-written post! Thanks for sharing your insights, Paris. I always love reading these kinds of posts from you (in addition to your reviews, etc.) because you approach the issues with honesty and compassion.
Paris B says
Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed this one – hope everything’s going well with you! 🙂
Lina says
Whoa… I nominate this the ‘post of the month’! Love the honestly… I don’t get some people either – those leaving rude comments and stuff (your right though – just delete them!). Cheers to you Paris!
Paris B says
Post of the month! You’re too kind, Lina thank you! 😀 Yeah, I don’t get the trolls either. Just because it’s the internet, suddenly everyone can be nasty eh? Tsk!
Beauty Box says
I really enjoyed reading this AND the comments. Love that you sometimes throw such thought provoking talking points for your readers. I must say that a couple of points resonated with me – esp the one about “fitting in”. I’m not a big time blogger so I don’t suffer from people being jealous or bad mouthing me or sabotaging me etc. But I have to say I have tried to sincerely connect with some bloggers I admired but was not reciprocated so I felt like I was trying too hard to relate to a particular clique or reach out. I’ve had brush offs and rude replies but I learned to just “take my business elsewhere where it’s wanted” 😉 At the end of the day, I blog because I enjoy it and I like the dialogue I have with my readers and other bloggers.
Paris B says
Oh Yuming I totally feel you re: trying to connect with bloggers. I’ve faced the rebuff too and it made me pause a little in surprise. Then again, just like life, not all of us are friends or have to be friends. So, I suppose that’s true too in blogging. We may be acquaintances, but for some of us, we may never be friends. So, just find the ones who will be our friends and hang out 🙂
Tina says
Love the post!
I think all these things are happening in real life (in essence), i’m not a blogger… Just the manifestation is different… (Will remember the bemused smile 😀 ,it’s the smile that kills 😉 )
Paris B says
Thank you Tina 🙂 You are right – we see this in real life as much as in the blogging world. Next time it happens to you, just smile. People can’t handle that LOL!
Praj says
You have mentioned only the Beauty blogging industry. But these are really common across the blogging industry.
Interesting experiences and the best part is how to deal with it.
Paris B says
Yes I did focus on the beauty blogging scene because that’s the niche I’m focused on. I don’t deny it’s the same across the board, in varying intensities perhaps.
Sam Still Reading says
Awesome post, Paris. You’ve really hit the nail on the head!
I have a particular person I moan to, who takes my comments and turns them into a positive. Gotta remember we are more than just our blogs. I love your cooking pics on IG too – inspiration for me 🙂
Paris B says
Thank you Sam and having a sounding board is so useful! I’m glad you found someone to talk to and indeed, we are more than just our blogs. It’s why I like keeping my IG and Twitter separate. I’d probably close shop if I had to live in beauty stuff all the time 😛
Yeen Loo says
Bumped into this post as my friend gave me this link to ease my wrath…
Thank you so much for this awesome post. I do have the same situation, although I just start blogging for a year plus. People some how who complaining on social media websites are the one who creating the politics.
Sometimes I don’t really care about these things at all because these people are literally exist. I do know my posts are being copied / modified, I admit sometimes I’m just so lazy until I copied the press releases, but who cares? Just practically be myself, if there’s any topic clashes, I’ll just need to do double hard-work on researching sources.