Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

by Paris B on · 126 comments

in Musings,Tips

rainbow2 Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

Peekaboo! Hello friends icon smile Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

You know what? This one week of not blogging, and not even looking at the blog or anything related to it has been liberating. It has also made me miss it more than I realised. I wasn’t planning to be back this quickly, but I have because I missed it, I missed talking to you and I also had my epiphany moment after talking to a couple of friends.

But first, I want to thank all of you for your kind comments in the previous post and on email. It means a lot to me because its made me realise that I am reaching out to people who share the way I feel and who can relate to the way I think and do things. I think MWS has grown far beyond just me, the blogger; its now about all of you who chime in ever so often with your input, and I embrace and am humbled by the growth and support. Group hug anyone? icon biggrin Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

While I was away, in a bit of a limbo and a rut, there were some things I did that helped me get out of that rut and I wanted to share them with you. We all face a rut sometimes, whether in our work, personal lives, passions and perhaps this can help you get out of it, the way it helped me icon smile Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

Take time off

This is the first thing I did. I identified the source of my frustration and I took time off. For me it was an overlap of work and the blog so I took time off both. I actually took the week off work and stayed home. All I did was spend time with myself, not bothering about the demands of anything except my tummy – just zenning out. On some days, I sat for hours just looking out the window… and on my birthday, after a stormy afternoon, I saw the most beautiful double rainbow right outside the window, so close I could almost touch it. The wonders of nature never cease to amaze me and the message was clear. It maybe stormy but at the end of it will be a lovely rainbow icon smile Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

Clear your clutter

We all have clutter, whether we realise it or not. It could be clutter of random items filling up the nooks and crannies of your home, or it could just be closet clutter. So I sat down and cleared my clutter. I went through drawers, tossing out things that I’d kept “just in case” and things I’d kept “because I’m not sure what to do with it”. Take a big black bin bag and just toss. If you have not looked at it or thought about it for months (or in my case, years) its time for it to go. I took to my store room and cleared out my shoes. Tossed out the ones that were beyond repair and that I never wore anymore, and set aside those that are still wearable but that I don’t. Tossed out old shoe boxes and rearranged things so it was neat and tidy again.

work home Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

I then did something I’d been wanting to do for a long time. I set up my study/home office icon smile Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself One trip to the hub of home organization, Ikea and I finally had a proper work area. Next on my list is a good comfortable work chair and I’m all good to work from home whenever I need to (or blog, whichever is relevant) icon smile Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

If you believe in feng shui, one of the tenets is exactly this. Clutter encourages the pooling of stagnant chi when what you need is for chi to flow. A very simplistic view, but it helps clear your mind even as you clear your clutter. Tossing out things helped get rid of old ghosts too. My next project is my closet and I plan to be brutal about it! (and then I can justify clothes shopping yay! icon wink Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself )

Spend time with friends

zen candle Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

Make that good friends. Friends you can have a laugh with. Friends you can sit around and talk crap with. Friends with whom you feel as comfortable in your T-shirt and shorts, sitting at a streetside “dai chow” restaurant eating good food while being bitten by mosquitoes, as you are dressed up in your finest and having la-di-da drinks in an up market restaurant. Friends who see you are on a hiatus and deliver gifts to help that hiatus along – scented candles and lavender tea. So zen now, I’m horizontal icon wink Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

Figure out your strengths and what you want to do

2 friends spoke to me separately about my taking a blog break, and what they said stuck in my head. One said to be sure I was doing what I wanted and enjoying it; and the other told me to ignore the external stresses and not to let them get me down. That was what triggered my epiphany.

I realised that I quite like my day job. Its challenging and keeps me in my creature comforts and frivolities and luxuries so I’m not about to give it up just yet. I also like blogging. It allows my creative side to develop and I love writing my thesises… theses? thesi? LOL Ok, my blog posts icon smile Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself I have a new found love for photography too. But I also worked out that I don’t enjoy blogging about makeup looks.

Doing looks or makeup and taking photos of myself just isn’t my speciality if its not related to how a product works. My strength lies not in my makeup skills, which are rudimentary at best. The thing I do best is apply lipstick – kid you not! icon wink Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself I can’t interpret looks, nor can I even pull off anything very elaborate, mainly because its not something I am all that keen on. Sounds sacrilegious I know icon biggrin Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself I like seeing how things work and making them work, so I wear enough makeup to look polished, but I’m not an artist nor am I very imaginative. Art was never my favourite subject, writing was. That realization was helpful because I don’t have to feel any more pressure to conform to the perceived mould of a beauty blogger for better or worse, and I can get on with what I love icon smile Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself Of course I’ll still provide swatches and how a product looks wherever necessary. Helpful things like that won’t change but knowing what I dislike and coming to terms with it helps icon smile Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

Oh and there’s also more to beauty and being a woman, than just makeup or skincare. It might not sit well with some, but it pleases me to talk about other things that I like too from time to time. If doing this breaks the “beauty blogger” label, c’est la vie! I’m comfortable with it icon wink Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

Learn to say NO

eat cake Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

Yummilicious Chocolate Banana Loaf Cake @ Zang Toi Cafe Parkson Pavilion KL

One of the key tenets to living a happier life is to learn to say No. Its hard sometimes, but when it has to be done, it has to be done. So, I now choose to operate on a “Do it my way or no way” principle when it comes to demands on my time and effort. Knowing your worth and knowing what you want to do helps a lot in saying that one syllable word “No” as it does in saying that other one syllable word “Yes” icon smile Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

Its ok to get help

More often than not, we want to sort out our problems ourselves where possible. But realistically, that can sometimes make things worse as you sit around digging yourself deeper and deeper into your rut. They don’t call it a rut for nothing! So, get help. Someone to give you a hand to help you climb out of your doldrums. Someone who has the skills you need to achieve the goal you want. Its ok to get help. Sometimes, that’s the first step towards heading back to normality icon smile Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

Look on the bright side

Positivity begets positivity. I talked about this once before, but it is worth repeating. When dark clouds are overhead, its very easy to allow yourself to be dragged down. Finding the bright side and focusing on it is the challenge, and something I forced myself to do. It does help you know. When I started looking on the bright side of things, and stop being so morose and negative, I have had quite a few positive experiences, and so long as I don’t waver, it can only get better.

What do you do to get out of a rut? Do you sometimes feel like you’re just stuck with no way forwards nor back?

There maybe some changes going on around the blog, or there may not, and there maybe a couple of bumps in the road while I get my blogging mojo back, but for the conceivable future, hey! I’m back in action! icon biggrin Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself Thank you for sticking it out with me, everyone. Regular transmission should resume shortly icon smile Getting out of the rut, and getting a grip of yourself

xoxo

Paris B

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[ 126 comments… read them below or join the discussion ]

LeGeeque November 1, 2012 at 9:05 am

YOU’RE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hugs*

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:22 pm

For better or for worse, yes I am :D *hugs*

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Sunny
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 9:08 am

Hey Paris, nice to have you back! Sounds like you sorted A LOT out in your short hiatus, and I’m happy for you!

I let it go for a bit and try to remember why I started doing something when I’m in a rut. Spending time with friends definitely helps, and so does changing the routine up a little in general. It’s easier to look at things from a different perspective that way :)
Sunny recently blogged…Let’s Talk Volume: Redken Volume 04 Full Effect Mousse & Shu Uemura Volume Maker ReviewMy Profile

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Hi Sunny, thank you so much for your kind words here and in the previous post :) I guess things clicked faster than I thought so hey, time to get the nose back to the grindstone! ;) BTW I haven’t had the chance to go around the blogs but congratulations on the new website – it looks amazing :D

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Tammy November 1, 2012 at 9:10 am

Nice to see you back! Double rainbow on your birthday, double luck they say! ;-)

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Thank you Tammy! Double luck sounds like an awesome omen! :D

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Tracy November 1, 2012 at 9:10 am

Yay! I’m so glad you’re back! :)) GROUP HUGZ

All of your points are amazing and I am taking them all to heart. I’m glad you figured out what you like about blogging and about your strengths. I’ve been learning I like doing more creative posts, but they take a lot of time to do and to think of. So for me, I think I’ll be slowing down more and not just posting reviews all the time so that I can do what I want to do. Soon. Deep breath. :)

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Wheee! *hugz* I realised that we should just take back our blogs, Tracy. Do what we love because we love it not because we want to fulfil an obligation and your creative posts are amazing stuff so its ok even if you take a while. We’d all appreciate it more because of it :D Counting down to your Disney break yes? :D

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Beth Maiorana November 1, 2012 at 9:11 am

Wow, Paris. How did you know that I was in a rut and needed this “talking to” (me and how many other armies of us humans …?). Thank you for sharing yourself with your subscribers. Indeed, we do depend on you and love you and care and look forward to hearing from you regularly. We are your friends and you are ours!! Isn’t that nice to know? Anyhow, thank you thank you for all your efforts. We so appreciate you … xoxo Beth in Pgh;-)

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Beth, you are very sweet, thank you! I love that we are all friends even if just online and a rut is all too easy to fall into and really hard to climb out of. I hope you start feeling better soon. Thank you again :D

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Connie
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 9:12 am

I’m glad you’re back! I’m still in a rut and my makeup are still in bags

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:29 pm

First thing, Connie is to get your makeup out of the bags and organized. You’ll feel much more inspired when that’s done – hope to see you back soon!

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Alice Chong November 1, 2012 at 9:24 am

Reading your blog seems to be a daily ritual for me for the past 6 months, love to see you back :)

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Thank you Alice – it means a lot to me and I’m glad to be back :D

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Hanny Daforcena
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 9:32 am

Woots! PB is back!

Great advice, PB! I really needed it! Heh heh heh. But for now, I’ll concentrate on another form of writing – essays, formulas and calculations >.< Yep, it's that danged time of year again…
Hanny Daforcena recently blogged…Hanny’s Halloween 2012 Look: Pink Barbie! (Inspired by Michelle Phan’s Zombie Barbie Youtube Video)My Profile

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Woot! :D Is it exam time again already? Good luck!

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AnT November 1, 2012 at 9:36 am

Welcome back Paris dearie!! :D

Hugs~ Hugs~ Hugs~ :)

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Hugs AnT! :D Thank you so much for the birthday wishes in the previous post too :D

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AnT November 22, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Hugs hugs hugs dearie Paris B! Welcome back!! :D Tee hee! :D

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AnT November 22, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Ops! I missed out the last sentence :(

It’s my pleasure! :D

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Esther Neo November 1, 2012 at 9:46 am

*hugs* is good u know that u need a break. Don’t until ur head is under water before you shout HELP.

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Thank you Esther and the next time I feel like I’m sinking, I’m going to remember your words – “Don’t until ur head is under water before you shout HELP.” :D

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curlylocks November 1, 2012 at 9:51 am

Welcome back paris! Long time reader, long ago commenter:)
I have to say, those are some fantastic points. U have really inspired me.. and not to mention I’m really glad u r blogging again! Even if u don’t do strictly makeup related stuff , I think I would still enjoy your product reviews. I have come to attach great value to them and always look to ur opinion before deciding. Here’s to hearing from u more !

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Hi Hi! I remember your comment handle :D Thank you for the support and I will still have a focus on beauty, just maybe mix it up a little once in a while. I’m very humbled that the reviews have been helpful for you. Thank you :D

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Efrain
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 10:04 am

Paris I’m glad you’re back, when I read your last article I was like “Oh no!”; but as you said it was for your happiness so it was right.

So, I like to read a happier Paris and don’t mind about writing a lot, your readers will be always here because of the quality.

XOXO
Efrain recently blogged…Muestreando (II)My Profile

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Aww thank you so much Efrain! It might have been a longer break if nothing had clicked in my head :D I’m very thankful for your support and for sending me the picture of the pan de muerto! :D

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Efrain
Twitter:
November 2, 2012 at 3:06 am

Your welcome Paris, in fact I didn’t eat pan de muerto in the whole month, but my parents bought it and when we were starting to eat I said: “wait! First take me a photo eating it”, they were like o.O and my sister took it.

P.S. It was strange not reading you.
Efrain recently blogged…Muestreando (II)My Profile

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 5, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Hahaha! That was so funny! Your parents must have thought you were nuts – thank you :D

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Mei Ping November 1, 2012 at 10:06 am

Welcome back !!

It’s good to know that you have done things which got you out of the rut.

I was also trying to get myself out of the rut a while ago, with clocking at least 12 hours daily in the corporate world until opportunity comes aknocking allowing me to work from home.

So far, I’m glad to have made the decision to do what I’m doing now from home. I guess when you are stuck in a rut, changes are inevitable.

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Hi Mei Ping, thank you for your lovely words on the previous post and on this one. I seem to remember you mentioned your dilemma about whether to work from home and I’m glad you took the plunge and are happier for it! A rut can only hold us for as long as we want to wallow in it, and really, we shouldn’t ;)

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Rahainah
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 10:16 am

Welcome back Paris :D *hug* *hug*

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Aww thank you Rahainah! *hugs* It almost feels like a party in here :D

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peach_ November 1, 2012 at 10:17 am

The day I decide to check blogs, you’re back! I’m really glad to hear the time off was well spent. Knowing your strength and weaknesses and not being ashamed of them feels so good! I often read your posts while ignoring others of the same subject because you have a distinct voice and point of view that I enjoy. Keep posting what you love and we’ll keep reading. :)

And oh, I can’t agree more with clutter! It’s one of the easiest ways to lift my mood. And it doesn’t have to be a huge closet overhaul, either; if I just clear one small area or throw out things inside one drawer, I instantly feel 10x better!

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:48 pm

This, Peach, is what we call serendipity :D Thank you for the kind words in the previous post and for the even kinder ones in this. Means a lot to me *wipes tear* ;) I think there’s something inherently therapeutic about clearing clutter, even if just from a small corner of the house. Having things neat just makes me feel so much better (even if I almost immediately mess them up anyway)

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Jas Min November 1, 2012 at 10:19 am

Welcome back! Glad things sorted themselves out. =) Just for the record, I actually prefer your makeup of the day look compared to other beauty bloggers cos yours looks more feasible, realistic and not intimidating for novices like me to try. So you’re absolutely right about not conforming to the norm because you being you is what everyone is here for. Keep it coming!

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Hi Jas Min, thank you so much for your kind words previously and here. I’m glad the looks I’ve done are helpful for you :) Its pretty much how I look just before I run out the door – guess I just don’t have that sort of patience to labour over a look just for a photograph (also I’m just not that creative ;) ) and its good to know too that makeup can be unintimidating to put on ;)

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xin
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 10:33 am

welcome back! glad that you are out of the black hole already :D
i think the best way to reorganize the chi is really taking a break from everything, doing nothing else at all other than enjoying the moment of peace.
xin recently blogged…Random Updates: When the Itchy Hands Get InspiredMy Profile

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Haha yes, managed to extract myself from the hole :D I think we all need zone out breaks once in a while – helps rebalance the chi as you say

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Honey November 1, 2012 at 10:34 am

Welcome back! Group HUG, HUG, HUG!!

Declutter, yes we need to do this and here now is the correct time. Check out pinksofoxy video/blog. She’s recording her process and it is so inspirational. We’ve all been weighed down by consumerism, that we forgot the good stuff that we already have.

Btw, we love you as you are :)

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 2, 2012 at 12:02 am

Aww thank you so much Honey *hugs* I’m glad no one is running off screaming coz things may change even as they stay the same :D Thanks for the rec for pinksofoxy. I took a look at some of her decluttering videos and you’re right. She’s very inspirational! I was doing a lot of what she was doing too – clearing out makeup and skincare and setting them aside for friends and I also found someone who does makeup for projects and would appreciate having stuff for her kit so it worked out perfectly! I do wish there was a shelter or somewhere I could pass along stuff to people who would appreciate it more than I do. Gah! :P

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Jenn
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:00 am

What a timely post, PB. I’m super stressed out with work and my personal life currently – wish I can take a week off work to run away to somewhere and just chill and get my center back! Life feels so much like a stalemate now because I can’t run away from either, and I feel like I can make no progress either. Gah – what a horrible combination!

It must be a wonderful time of self-reflection and rest for you!! :D I want to see a double rainbow too – have yet to come across personally!

ps: I declutter too when I’m stressed – though that brings about the not so good part of actually throwing out things that I actually need :P
Jenn recently blogged…Product Review: Tresemme Thermal Recovery Nourish & Renew Conditioner for Heat Damaged HairMy Profile

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 2, 2012 at 12:12 am

Jenn, I must be a mind reader :D I’m sorry to hear that you’re stressed and with work and personal life too? Must be a really rough time. Is is even possible to just take a day off, just to rebalance yourself? I find it sometimes helps and make it a weekday so everyone is away at work and you know you don’t have to so thats one step to being happy already :) I usually declutter in stages. So if after a few rounds of decluttering and I still see the same things lying around, its time to go. Of course, I sometimes end up tossing stuff I later need but c’est la vie eh? ;)

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Tine
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 11:42 am

Hello hello! Good to see you on the blogosphere again!
Right, now that you’re back, it’s almost time for me to skaddadle for my break. Hee hee hee :P

PS: Amen to decluttering. Clear floor, clear desk, clear mind.
Tine recently blogged…Beauty That Won’t Break The Bank: Haircare (Under $10, $20 and $50)My Profile

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 2, 2012 at 12:13 am

Haha we must be taking turns to go on a blog break :D But I feel you – there’s a lot of nonsense going on online so going offline is the best way to avoid it. Enjoy your break Tine and come back refreshed (with lots of stories to tell, I’m sure!) ;)

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Vissi November 1, 2012 at 11:48 am

Welcome Back Paris, glad you’ve sorted things out. *Hug* *Hug*

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 2, 2012 at 12:13 am

Thank you Vissi! I’m glad I did too – missed blogging! :D

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nani November 1, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Hi Paris!! Glad that you are back. :)

Great post indeed for your coming back post.

“It maybe stormy but at the end of it will be a lovely rainbow” is your sentence that i like the most. It’s what i would keep on telling myself, whenever i am down too. Although most of the times, it’s harder to look at the bright side when you are breaking down. Btw, you have pointed out a number of things that is relevant for our human sanity. (a bit on the dramatic side, hehe….)

PS: Yaaayyy for MWS upcoming posts!! Looking forward to it.. :)

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 2, 2012 at 12:17 am

Hi Nani, thank you for your support and kind words :D I did hope that what helped me will help someone else break out of their rut. Its such a depressing place to be in but you’re right. Its very hard to look on the bright side when you think its just all darkness and gloom all around, but I’ve learned to look hard because somewhere in that doom and gloom will always be a sliver of light :)

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nani November 4, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Yes, you are right, PB. I shall learn to look deeper and harder for that sliver of light. Thanks.. :)

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Liz November 1, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Glad you’re back. I missed your posts.

I’m on my first week of a 3 week leave at the moment and I totally know what you mean by just zoning out at home. Although I’ve been more of a good girl and spent my afternoons walking/running at the beach to boost my fitness level. My next step is also to clear the clutter in my room but I still couldn’t find the motivation to do it yet. Procrastinating is way more fun. I will then finish off my last two weeks travelling solo to Siem Reap and Penang. I really want to have private time to myself without talking to family/friends but it’ll be impossible with my mom texting me every 2 to 3 hours to make sure I’m still alive. =_=

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 2, 2012 at 12:21 am

Thank you Liz, and 3 weeks! What wouldn’t I give for a 3 week break :D It sounds like you’re off to something good at any rate. Exercising is a good way to boost one’s spirits too. The first step to clearing up is always the hardest so do it this way – break up the room in to small manageable parts. Say, do your vanity table today, your bedside table tomorrow… that sort of thing. It gets easier and once you get started, its easier to move along. I know how you feel too about wanting time just for yourself. I’m sure your Mom means well and I was a little irritated with family too during the week but I realised that sometimes its better to be bugged than never to have family to bug you at all :) Enjoy your upcoming trips! Penang is a gastronomic haven :D

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kuri
Twitter:
November 1, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Very valuable, organized post.
And I admit to being very happy that your break was short!
Most of what you state makes sense,and not just for blogging. Thanks; I will try to apply this to my life. I am in the midst of a cleanout of my apt. and it has been eye-opening how much stuff I can really get rid of. Right no I’m having some difficulty in finishing my wardrobe purge before I start shopping! It’s oh so tempting to start already :P

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 2, 2012 at 12:22 am

Hi Kuri, I’m glad it was short too :D Any longer and I might have forgotten to come back ;) I did hope for the advise to work for everyone because I think we tend to get caught up in things a lot of the time and forget how important WE are :) I can’t wait for the next public holiday break to get a head start on my wardrobe cleaning :D

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Rin November 1, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Hi Paris dear! *group hug*

I’m glad to see you here again. I’ll take note on all your thoughts. Lately I’m going through a pretty rough time with myself. I’m always thinking I’m not good enough and keep on comparing myself with others so that I’ll pressure myself to do better and better. I think in a way it’s good to keep myself motivated but in another way it also makes me feel even worse. I should learn more on how to accept the fact that some things aren’t my forte and however hard I try, I can never be good at them. I should focus more on my strengths and the things that I love and be good at them. Put more effort and enjoy them as I go along. Once in a while, I can take a step back just to evaluate myself to keep myself in check so that I am not so lost and still on the path I want to take. Thank you Paris for sharing your thoughts and experiences ^^ You’re not just a beauty blogger, you’re much more than that. You reach out to us too. We feel you. THANK YOU.

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Paris B
Twitter:
November 2, 2012 at 12:25 am

Hello Rin! *hugs* Thank you so much for your kind words before and now – means a lot to me :) I think I know what you’re going through now because I’ve gone down that road too and its a really bumpy and rough ride. As you have said, having a basis for comparison gives you the push to better yourself, but there comes a time when we have to realize that sometimes, we can’t. We all have our individual strengths which is what we should discover and develop and nurture. There is so much we can do these days unlike before so don’t pile on the unnecessary pressure. There is a lot more to life :)

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