Granted, if I was dressed like the mannequin in the picture above, I think I might be delirious from a high fever, and am thus not quite rational so it would perhaps be a good idea for someone to stop me 😛
But my question is mostly related to something less extreme. For example, if you were experimenting with a new makeup look or practising something like eyeshadow or eyeliner, or even wearing a red lipstick; and you think you look nice but then your friend or significant other or family member then tells you that it doesn’t look nice on you. Or maybe that you should not even wear any makeup at all, even if you want to.
Or maybe you wear a new dress and like how it looks on you but someone else tells you that it looks too young or that you should not wear a colour that bright. Key point is, you do not think so.
Do other people’s opinions on your makeup or dressing affect you?
For the most part, I only value opinions if I ask for it. Other than that, I take it as an expression of my own style and I may listen, but I don’t take it in if I don’t relate to it.
Sometimes, I may be told that my makeup is too extreme although that’s rare, or that my foundation doesn’t suit me, or my blush too red. I appreciate that, because its constructive, but I don’t let it affect me. I might just do the same thing again next time, because I’m feeling like it.
I guess you could say that I’m not fussed about what other people think about my makeup or dressing. I do not appreciate people telling me that I should not wear any makeup at all if I want to, or that I shouldn’t wear red lipstick because it looks vampy or trashy; or that I shouldn’t wear eyeshadow because my eyes look small when I do.
There is a way to get around all problems. Wear a light red if you don’t want to rock the boat, or learn to use makeup to enhance your features, not drown them in colour and thick troweled on foundation. Choose a different shade of colour in your next dress, and if you are told you don’t look nice in a dress, find out what makes them think so and then find a way around it.
I personally do not believe we should allow ourselves to be dictated to by others in anything we do. But, without being all headstrong and stubborn or being a doormat, I believe we can all meet halfway and get a happy medium… if the other person’s opinions matter of course 😛 If they are people who do not matter to you then tell them to push off! 😛
What say you? Are you affected by other peoples’ opinions on your makeup or clothes? Would you stop wearing certain makeup or dressing a certain way if someone else does not appreciate it? Or do you try to meet halfway?
Paris B
Evelyn Chang says
Sadly, I do get affected by my friends or family’s comment towards my dressings and make up (though I didn’t get much negative comment so far), but I think their comment do affect me if they say anything negative~
Paris B says
It’s quite natural to feel upset when a family member or close friends give a negative comment. But they probably know how to temper that negative comment so it isn’t too harsh 🙂 that said, fact that you haven’t gotten many means you must be doing something right 🙂
rudi says
I remember experimenting with new eye make-up once and thought it looked great. My colleague, much older and a mentor, took one look and said – “you look like XYZ”; to which i asked “who?”. “oh, a movie star from old times”. Well, i was a little flattered at that comment but not so much with what followed a short while later – “she wore too much eye shadow too!” LOL – we are still great friends 20 years on.
I pretty much do my own thing and believe in the saying “those who care don’t matter and those who matter don’t care”.
Comments from good friends I will note but may not follow. Others, oh well, water off a duck’s back!
Paris B says
That’s such a cute story! 😀 I’m glad you took it positively but it was a cute way for her to get her message across 🙂
Mira says
I’m kinda affected by people’s opinions on my makeup. I told you before that I rarely wear eyeshadow because people said it made my eyes stand out too much, even if I’m wearing light-colored eyeshadow. I don’t really understand, the 1st time I used it I think I look just fine. But when people said that to me I started seeing myself weird too.
Oh, and I’m REALLY affected by people’s opinions on my clothes. I gotta admit that I’m kinda chubby. You know how family and friends always think that they can criticize us just because we are close or related. They simply say “hey, you look fat with that shirt” or “you must be happy staying at home during her sem break, you gained a lot of weight, I can see it from your clothes”. Since then I become phobia. Everytime I go out, I’ll stay at least 10mins in front of mirror looking at myself from all angles. Do these clothes made me look fat, do these colors made me looks chubbier. I’m working very hard now on losing all these hideous body fats, but it takes time. I gained 10kg in a year, and this 10kg won’t loose in a mere 3 months. I feel pressured everytime people criticize how do I look with certain clothes that I wear. Even if I like any shirt/pants, I’ll ask my mom 1st whether I look fat in this. If my mom said yes, then I won’t buy the clothes no matter how much I like it, how pretty it is. I hope I can become slimmer and I can buy all the clothes that I like without thinking that people might see me like a whale in the clothes.
Shay says
Hello there! I have been chubby since I am young. Every Chinese new year, I would hear relatives tell me that I got fatter and fatter. After a while I am not so bothered already, because I focus on the good in myself. For example, nice natural, shapely eyebrows, a waistline, square shoulders, etc.
If I really like the clothes, I buy it and wear it. I find that I really carry myself with more confidence if I like how I look in the mirror. But of course, some fashion sense and knowledge on how to dress according to my body type helps a lot.
I think we can’t help but care about other people’s comments about us. But don’t worry, this too shall pass. 😉
Especially if you’re still in school, it’s easy to exercise, eat right and lose weight. After 25, I slowly lost my baby fat and my relatives no longer tease me. Last dec, I started exercising about 240mins a week. I have lost only 3kg but i have some comments that i look like i lost a lot. Like you, I need to lose 10kg. So, I have to keep going. I’m 32 now. I hope I can reach my goal at the end of this year. 😀
Paris B says
Thank you so much for sharing, and for your advice, Shay!
Paris B says
Sometimes, I think we are harsher on ourselves than others are 🙂 if your eyes are large, and if you can’t help making them the focus of your face, why not just embrace it and enjoy the attention? Some of us would kill to have pretty large eyes 🙂 ok maybe not kill, but we’d love to have pretty and large eyes. As for clothes, with all the focus on being thin, it’s hard to escape all that, especially when they make clothes so small these days. A friend has, with lots of exercise and a healthy diet, lost 10kg in 4 months. It can be done, so good luck! Just remember to stay healthy! 🙂
lavender says
Interesting topic. I will only listen to my mom’s opinion and some close friends. Sometimes some people are jealous that you look nicer than them so they tell you don’t wear makeup simply because they don’t know how to use it and don’t want u to look nicer than them. This is my personal experience. For myself, I love to wear dress to work and I do get comments. i only take in the positive ones.
Paris B says
You have a point too, Lavender. Sometimes, people only feel better when they bring someone down and we shouldn’t give them that sort of satisfaction 🙂
Jennifer says
I’m one who sometimes take other people’s opinions too seriously. This came about since my younger days due to acne and what nots – very bad for self confidence and esteem. So much so, I give up wearing a particular item or trying new styles all together or avoid it when with the critic. But as I grow older and more comfortable in my own skin, I’ve learnt to ignore the negative comment if it only came badly from a person or better still, if the critic actually looked worse than me 🙂 If I get repetitive bad comments, then I’ll question my sense of dressing and perhaps put the item in cold storage first.
I’ve learnt to accept criticism in a constructive manner, unless it was harshly put to me. In fact, now I’ve learnt to smile and say thank you whenever I receive a compliment rather than go hiding or do the polite Asian thing “No la, it’s just a normal dress”. Lol, age does amazing things to me sometimes 😀
I am very new to make up so whenever I put on light make up, it still earns me compliments and lots of stares when oily eyelids turn me into a walking panda. But it’s all about trying within boundaries, no one is harmed in the process I guess 😉
Paris B says
That’s what I love about growing up. We learn to be comfortable in our skin and hang what everyone else says. If they don’t like it they can stuff it! 😉 like you, I’ve,earns to say thank you to a compliment too! I love it when I say thanks and the complimenter looks at me weirdly, because I didn’t deflect it as most Asians would. Why should we right? 😀
Yumiko Lui says
Hi Paris, you bring out a very good issue here that almost every single person will face but unaware of… i believe that everyone have capability of giving opinions and advice to the other people, but the crucial point is whether it is accurate or should we follow their opinion…
To me, i do think that we should listen but we have to precisely process what they recommend or told, then only accept or ignore the opinion
Usually i only accept and listen to opinions of people that i know they are able give good and frank opinion and they do want you to improve (good opinion in the sense that they are good at perceptual of sensing what goes wrong on your wearing and makeups)
Affected? Yes, i am but not always coz words sometimes hurts.. but i wont change my wearing style and makeup.. i will just not wear those clothes or makeups in front of them.. instead wear it to those who appreciate how we look like and in anyway i doll myself up. =D
Paris B says
You’re right! We should listen to what people say but we have to process it ourselves to see if it’s something that is constructive or not. Sometimes, as another reader has mentioned, people don’t want to help, but don’t want you moving forward. That’s selfish and those, we should ignore 🙂
kuri says
I definitely am affected by other peoples’ opinions, but usually I tend to be my own worst critic. My mom comes a close 2nd though 😛 I’ve gradually become more confident about enjoying myself and wearing what I like over time.
Paris B says
Confidence in knowing that what you’re wearing makes you look good, is definitely something good to learn over time but I think for most of us, we are our worst critics most of the time 🙂 we see flaws no one does!
Vonvon says
Only from my husband, daughter and my boss! Lol!
Paris B says
The ones that matter!
Vivi says
Lol, I’m not the type who cares. During university days, I even wore “costumes” to school, haha! Or at least, that’s how my friends referred to them. I was a fashion chameleon and would wear clothes from plain lazy tshirt to all-out gothic, hippie/bohemian, classic to whatnot. To me, dressing doesn’t define a person, it defines a person’s mood. And I’m perfectly alright for people to judge for themselves what my “mood for the day” might be. 🙂
Paris B says
That’s good advice and a fun story 🙂 I was always a conventional dresser and still am so I guess i have a stable sort of mood? Hehe
coco says
though i’d very much like to say i believe in myself, there are times i’m still affected by others opinions. i don’t mind constructive criticism or something with good intention, i hate those that try to bring you down or uncalled for.
Paris B says
You’re absolutely right. Is important for us to realize that not everyone is actually helpful with their comments. Some people are just plain nasty and those people should be ignored.
Yvonne says
I guess it’s hard not to be affected by other peoples’ opinion. Sometimes when I really like a dress and my hubby doesn’t like it, I’d wear the dress when I’m out with my friends instead 😉
But then again there are times when the comments are constructive ones. Like certain body shapes look better in certain clothing (ladies with big bust looks better in shoulder padded clothing, ladies with big hips should avoid bright colour bottoms etc).
Saphy says
Sometimes I get scared of wearing a certain dress or a top because of people’s opinion 🙁 then I end up not wearing it out at all and stick to my old tshirts and pants sigh.
Paris B says
Time to branch out a little! 😉 Unless you are falling out of your dress or top, I don’t think anyone will really be upset about it
lyn says
I am soooooooooo not bothered. I’m not particularly trendy but I do try to make an effort to wear appropriate clothing. As long as I don’t wear my pajamas out. With regards to makeup, I wear and apply what I feel like but it has to be suitable for work. I can honestly say that I am one of the rare ladies who actually wear makeup to work. People think I’m odd, okay. And I think they can do with a bit of blush or lipstick.
Paris B says
You can wear pyjamas out in Shanghai and inspire deep envy. I’ve seen it, it happens!